Irreversible
by LFC Hotstuff
Summary: Edward and Bella were thrown together by an irreversible act of fate that could alter their lives forever. Both deny their feelings for each other. How far would they go to keep their emotions hidden? 1st place winner- People's choice- Jukebox contest.A/H
1. Chapter 1 Incapable

I guess I'm back again with another one-shot. I have this obsession with music as background for a story and I thought this contest was a perfect for me and the song I have chosen for it. Actually, we have to choose from the list that the contest organizers provided us, there wasn't much left when I found out about the contest but it seems to me that it all went well. The story got the 1st place winner People's choice award. So yipppeee, I am very happy and proud to share this story with you guys. Visit my profile and listen to the song by 10cc-I'm not in love and check out the banners for this story.

Thanks to Wendy for getting this story back to me in such a record time. I appreciate all her help and suggestion. Thanks to SK, Jells and Tygs who pre-read for me. Awesome people. I *heart* you all.

**Summary:** Edward and Bella were thrown together by an irreversible act of fate that could alter their lives forever. Both deny their feelings for each other. How far would they go to keep their emotions hidden?

******First Place winner People's Choice at Jukebox One-shot contest.******

* * *

**Irreversible**

**EPOV:**

Headlights were barreling from my left, closer they came and not a second to react; I braced myself for the inevitable impact. Four, three, two, one….slam! Deafening crash of metal to metal reverberated in my ears. I couldn't move a single muscle and pain…just pure unadulterated pain, my eyes wouldn't open…. painful….everything…went…dark.

"Edward… Edward…can you hear me?" The comforting voice of my mother attempting rouse me.

Lights flooded my heavy lids when I finally opened my eyes. I was lying on a bed of sweat. I tried to open my mouth, but no sound came out. Instead, a hoarse sounding groan escaped when I tried to pull myself up. My arms barely moved. I knew they may have been weak from the accident, they felt almost like jelly. My head felt heavy, like it was filled with explosives ready to go off.

"Son, stay still…don't move." My mother's hands pressed firmly on my shoulders stopped me from my movement and gently eased me back to a lying position. She gingerly lifted my arms, one at a time, and laid them on my side.

"What's going on? Where am I?" My voice sounded foreign to me, my throat felt like it was on fire as I tried to swallow repeatedly.

"You don't remember what happened? The accident?" My mother's voice was shaky. Her eyes showed signs of distress on her tired face; the redness from crying was evident.

Little by little, memories came back to me…the errant pick-up truck that came out of nowhere. It was obvious that the driver had no control of the vehicle as it T-boned the left side of my car. I shuddered as the barrage of memories assaulted me. Instinctively, I lifted my hand to touch my head that was covered with what felt like a thick wad of bandages, but I couldn't get them to move at will. My arms were the color of purple, bruises in varying shades marked my upper limbs as I did a quick inspection.

"I…remember now Mom." I managed to say while she picked my hand up and kissed the back of my palm tenderly. It felt odd that I didn't feel her touch as expected.

"Oh Edward, I thought we'd lost you." My mother finally broke down, sobbing uncontrollably as she covered her face with her hands.

"Mom…don't….cry please." My voice rebelled against me barely croaking out the words. My throat was parched and I needed to get up and walk around. I can't just lay there and do nothing.

I tried swinging my legs to get up but nothing happened. I tried again and still, nothing happened. My eyes grew wide as the reality hit me.

"Mom, why can't I move my legs and my hands don't have much feeling in them?" The questions needed answers, but I feared that truth might kill me.

She continued sobbing without answering me, not even looking at me. She buried her face on the side of my bed, close to my body.

"Mom_, please_ answer me." The hysteria was bubbling on the surface and I could feel that I was about to wake up to a nightmare. "Mom….please_, please_, answer me." I whispered, fearing the answer that I already knew to be true.

"Edward….." more tears followed as I felt my own tears slowly spilling over and running down my cheek soon after. Did I even want to hear it?

Tears streamed relentlessly and I felt helpless, unable to wipe the tears from my eyes. I tried lifting, moving my hands, but they only responded partially. They felt as heavy as lead and the effort left me feeling breathless, and very frustrated. I told myself, _Big boys don't cry!_ Damn it!

"Mom… please…"

"I can't…." She cried in anguish, still refusing to look at me. Instead, she pulled the call button and pressed it. Within minutes, an elderly looking nurse in a starched uniform walked in from the door.

"Can I help you?" She said and her eyes widened when she looked at me. "Oh, you are finally awake." She muttered more to herself, but I heard what she said.

"Can you call Dr. Hale, please." My mom's voice barely rose above a whisper. She kept her face buried, barely acknowledging the nurse as she adjusted my pillow, checked the IV in my left arm that I just realized was even there and used a tissue to wipe the tears from my cheeks that had pooled in my ear.. She was swift, but gentle.

"Sure Mrs. Cullen," The nurse's head disappeared after a quick glance at the monitor as she turned the sound down. Silence filled the room soon after my mother stifled her sobs as much as she could, but held my unfeeling hand the whole time.

After 30 minutes or so, we heard a light tap on the door and a young looking gentleman, seeming a few years older than me, came striding confidently next to my bedside.

"Mrs. Cullen… Edward, I am happy that you finally awoken. I am Doctor Jasper Hale, your attending doctor here at Forks Community Hospital."

"Dr. Hale, can you tell me what's wrong with my arms and legs. Why can't I move them?" I hated being rude, but I didn't want to bother with pleasantries when I all I cared about at the moment was to be given an answer.

The doctor looked at my mother momentarily, as if requiring a confirmation before he returned his attention back to me. "Edward, you have been in a car accident. Do you remember that part?"

I nodded my head tersely.

"You were pinned inside your car and the emergency personnel had to use the _Jaws of Life_ to extricate you out of your vehicle."

"I figured that much out, but why can't I move?" For a laid back type of guy who rarely raised his voice, I could see that my tone and impatience surprised my mother immensely.

"I'm sorry Edward, but because of the trauma your body went through, you sustained some damage to your spinal cord resulting in paralysis." Dr. Hale seemed relieved that the news was finally out in the open.

"Am I ever going to walk again?" I felt my voice quiver at the very thought of not ever walking again. This wasn't right. Nothing about this whole goddamn situation was right.

"Your exact injuries as I saw from the results of several x-rays are on the Thoracic division of your spine, Level 2 and incomplete. Injuries at or below the thoracic spinal levels result in paraplegia, function of the hands, arms, neck, and breathing is usually not affected. We call it T-2, which results in the inability to control the abdominal muscles. Accordingly, trunk stability is affected. The lower the level of injury, the less severe the effects would be."

"Then why in the hell can't I move my arms?" I screamed as Hale's words settled in my head. I wouldn't walk anymore. The truth rang hard and painful.

"It's temporary Edward. Your body took a lot of beating from the trauma. A therapist will be working with you shortly, to help you regain control and movement in your arms again. And hopefully, we can work on your legs too, your mobility." Dr. Hale didn't seem the least bit upset with my outburst. I really didn't give a fuck at the moment anymore.

After hearing my eventual fate, I tuned Dr. Hale out and refused to participate in the conversation about my rehabilitation potential. Hearing how lucky I was that I escaped with less injury considering the immensity of the situation I was in was a complete joke. Fucked is fucked… and not being able to walk again, is definitely fucked.

For me at that very moment, my life as I knew it was over.

* * *

The following days were a script taken out of a horror film. My dependency on every little thing that I needed was downright humiliating. I needed help from eating, pissing and relieving myself. My hands and arms were still close to useless, even though I had been working with a Physical Therapist already. The slow progress was killing me, little by little, and I found myself disinterested in all things that used to give me pleasure. All that I did was stare outside the hospital window and thought about being a prisoner in a wheelchair at the ripe age of 22 for the rest of my miserable fucking life.

My parents stayed with me in the hospital almost all day and after a few days, their attempts in making me feel less anxious and depressed finally got to me. I ordered them to go home and do what they were doing before my accident. One person was tied to the chair, not three.

After spending 3 months in the hospital and going through the initial therapy program, the rehabilitation department felt that I was ready to go home. With movements and functions restored in my arms, they felt that I would be able to thrive much easier in a home setting. Arrangements were made for me to attend a daily therapy program at the Rehab Center but my father would rather have someone come to our house and provide the daily therapy for me. He willingly offered to buy all the necessary therapy equipment needed for my use. Being a Doctor at the hospital with great connections, my dad was able to hire a Physical Therapist who agreed to be my personal therapist for the duration of my treatment.

Who was I to say no to such a great offer? The idea of not leaving the house in a wheelchair left me feeling a bit relieved. Who would want to be seen in a disabled van being chauffeured around anyway? The pain had subsided but was later replaced by a nerve wracking spasm that completely took me by surprise. Some spasms last for a few seconds while other's lasted for over 10 minutes. The doctor explained to me that this was _a good sign_ because it meant the nerve endings were trying to heal. The involuntary movement of my legs during these episodes left me more embarrassed and angry than anything.

"Edward, the physical therapist will be coming today. She agreed to stay here 5 days a week, Monday through Friday, and she will be your in-home care provider too when your mom and I aren't home." My father, Carlisle, said one morning after breakfast. He had been the one who had been helping me with most of my personal needs like bathing, going to the bathroom. My mom, Esme, provided my other needs. No grown man wanted his mother sponge bathing or wiping his junk and she was gracious about it, though she would laugh and say 'it's nothing I haven't seen before young man'. Yeah, that made it all better, NOT!

"Okay," I answered curtly, wanting to be left alone.

* * *

A light tap on the door alerted me of company which I didn't seek at the moment. "Edward?" A low and sweet sounding voice called out my name.

"Yes." I grunted my reply.

I heard footsteps advance in the room after the door closed. "Hello, I am Bella Swan, the therapist who will be working with you."

"Okay, whatever." I responded without peeling my eyes from the window where I had been gazing out for the last hour.

"Umm, okay? What does that mean? Are you ready? Aren't you even going to say Hello to me?" The woman asked without humor.

"Yes, I am ready."

"I think we need to have a better means of communication here before we get started. First of all, you have to look at me when I am talking to you. You know, the normal way of talking. Adult to adult, eye contact with a touch of respect. You respect me and I will respect you, it will make our time together much more pleasant Edward."

I wasn't in the mood to be lectured especially coming from someone on our payroll. With an extreme burst of anger, I swiveled my chair to see who the overbearing, assuming woman was and to put her in her place.

"I know how to communicate, so do not lecture me…."

What greeted me was a girl, too young, maybe not even older than me. She was beautiful, in a _girl next door_ type of way. Her chocolate brown eyes held a look of contempt as they stared back at me. Her hands were on her hips, as if challenging me, telling me that she would be running the show and not me. Her long brown hair was tied in a ponytail and her slender figure was hidden beneath a blue and ill-fitting scrubs.

I met her challenge with equal intensity, aiming to establish that I was the boss and I wouldn't take shit from anyone.

"That's better…now I have a face to go with the name." She stated with mock pleasure.

"The face is not important to me." I retorted back.

"Well, I am glad we are clear on that. Shall we start?" She motioned her hand towards the door. Her behavior and tone of voice were infuriating. Without giving her any reply, I began wheeling myself however awkward, to the door. She held my chair by the push handle and halted my forward movement.

"I will push you to the gym." She said flatly.

"No need for that, as you can see, my hands aren't paralyzed." I barked at her.

"You can save your energy for the therapy session, Edward. By the time I am done with you, you will thank me for sparing you the effort of wheeling yourself there." She chuckled and began pushing my wheelchair out the door.

"There is so much you need to re-learn as far as utilizing whatever usable muscles you have left. We will start with the basics today." She said conversationally as we made our way to the gym.

My parents had basically rearranged our house for my homecoming. What used to look like a house straight from an Architectural Digest magazine was now in shambles. Wooden ramps took over the area rugs lining the wooden floor. The months following my accident threw them into a revision frenzy. They altered my bathroom to accommodate my wheelchair, handle bars were installed by the toilet and inside the shower. A trapeze was attached to wall behind my bed so I could lift myself up from bed independently. The price one had to pay in order to get some sort of independence was underrated until I got in the situation myself.

Bella continued to talk and I stayed silent. I didn't feel the need to respond to her babbling. It seemed to me that she could talk for the both of us. Instead, I sat in my chair and looked straight ahead.

She pushed my wheelchair to the end of the room next to the exercise bed. My Dad outdid himself this time. Every piece of equipment imaginable that I needed to use for rehab were purchased and waiting for me.

"Today, we will start with leg and hip exercises. You have done this before, but I need to see for myself how much damage you have and what I can for you."

The word 'damage' rang hard in my ears. I flinched at the very thought of what it would be like for the rest of my life. That's what I was-damaged goods. _And that's all I'd ever be_, echoed in my head.

Bella stopped in front of the exercise bed and applied the wheel brakes and turned to me, accidentally brushing her arms against mine. I shivered at the feel of her skin and I pulled my arms away instantly.

"Let's get you over to the bed shall we? Are you confident on doing transfers Edward?

"I think I can do it." I replied grimly. I could feel my insides churning at the thought of Bella watching me make a fool of myself, while I put on a freak show.

She folded her arms across her chest to watch me. I was not at all confident with transferring myself, my arms were not very strong yet but I wasn't about to admit that I was a pussy. I pushed myself up with my knuckles and swung the dead weight known as my lower trunk onto the bed, nearly missing it by a few inches. I felt my butt hanging halfway from the bed before Bella walked over and expertly lifted me by my armpit and placed me on the bed to a more secured position. The lifting did not seem to bother her at all. She was a small girl, but she lifted me like I didn't weigh anything at all.

To say that I didn't feel embarrassment or humiliation was laughable. I've never felt so helpless and utterly hopeless in my life like I did at that moment.

I could barely sit up without having to lean on something. I was told that my trunk muscles need strengthening and that's what I would need to work on if I even have hopes of ever walking again. If my trunk cannot stay upright unsupported, there was no hope of ever walking again, even with crutches or a walker.

Bella was holding my back as she laid me supine. She sat on the opposite side of the bed, closer to my legs where I watched her, in utter fascination, assessing my legs and my lower body.

"Okay, during the first two weeks, I will do most of the exercises for you. I will bend, stretch and extend your legs, thighs and hips. I must warn you that it will be painful…..but I believe in the saying, _'no pain no gain'_." Her warning came a bit too late as she started with my left leg and bent it slightly. The pain that followed with every bending, extending and stretching was excruciating.

"Fuck!" I heard myself say as she worked on my legs, lifting it sideways. Bella gave me a satisfied look. I ignored her and tried my best to keep myself from hollering. I told myself repeatedly,_ Big boys don't cry!_

I had to bite my lips to keep from screaming like a girl. I laid there for over an hour, helpless and in agonizing pain. We took a few minutes in between before we started over again. I was drenched with sweat by the time the morning session ended.

"Do you want me to bring your lunch to your room, or do you want to get to know me better?" Bella asked as she wheeled me back to my room.

"I would rather eat alone," I spat out.

"Suit yourself." She retorted before she left the room. I grabbed the bottle of water on my nightstand and threw it at the door just as she was closing it. That woman was infuriating. She made me want to get up and lock the door so I wouldn't have to see her face again.

After 15 minutes or so, she came back with a tray filled with food. I was still on my chair, the exercise session left me so incredibly tired and physically drained that I didn't even dare try to lift myself for transfer. Bella set the tray on my bedside table and as if reading my mind, she positioned my chair next to the bed and began lifting me.

"You don't have to do that, I can do it myself." I roared at her, but she ignored me and continued with the transfer.

"I don't think you have the energy right now Edward, and besides, I don't want you sitting too long in one position, we don't want you to develop skin redness which may lead to skin breakdown or ulcers.

I clamped my mouth to keep myself from screaming, instead, I balled my fist on my side. This woman was definitely getting on my nerves. For a small thing, she was a cocky SOB. She lifted my dead legs on the bed after she propped my back with a bunch of pillows. She set the tray of food in front of me and started for the door.

"I will be having my lunch too. Go on and eat and I'll be back to take you to the bathroom."

I stared at my tray and pushed it aside, still seething. I can't imagine being at the mercy of that woman, that girl. What was her problem? Couldn't she just do her job and not talk? I didn't need company and I damn well did not need a friend; I needed someone to help me walk again.

I must've dosed off because the next thing I knew, Bella was standing next to my bed with a disapproving look on her face.

"What?' I asked in a contemptuous voice as I wiped the sleep from my eyes.

"If you plan on getting stronger, you have to eat." She said pointing at my tray, still untouched and the food uneaten.

"Why do you care?" I retorted, not even thinking of what I was saying.

"Why do I care? Well, let me give you the reason." She stuck her fingers out, "Number one, I am getting paid to help you get the most use of what you have left functioning in you. Number two, you are my patient and I am going to make you do things whether you like it or not, because that is my job. Do you want to hear number three?" She chided as she watched my face broke into a nasty smirk.

"No, I don't want to hear anymore, just shut up will you? Do you just enjoy the sound of your own voice?" I lifted my face defiantly.

"Eat and I will shut up." Bella pushed the tray back in front of me and walked over to the recliner and sat. Her eyes never leaving my face, she was watching me like a hawk watching a prey down below.

I grudgingly picked up the sandwich and took a few bites. It tasted like paper; nothing seemed to taste good for me these days. I took the glass of juice from the tray and down it in one gulp.

"Happy now?" I asked as I put the glass down on the tray with a loud clank.

"Not quite but that's a start." She came over and took the tray away and placed it on the bedside table. "Now let's get you to the bathroom." She announced. She waited for me to do something, but I was honestly very tired. I gritted my teeth and tried to steady myself in a sitting position. I scooted over to the edge of the bed with my back first, using my hands to push myself as my legs dragged behind. I didn't have the strength to transfer myself with the fear of falling flat on my face.

"I think you need some help," Bella said after watching me struggle for a few minutes.

"Yes…" it was difficult for me to admit it, but I had no fight left in me. I just wanted to relieve myself, be left alone and go to sleep. I had no idea that my day involved going to hell and back.

"Okay, here we go." Bella effortlessly lifted me again. I felt her body rubbed against mine in the process. It was a nice feeling to be able to feel, to have sensation. I reasoned with myself, it wasn't because I wanted to feel her body against mine.

After helping me settle on the commode, Bella left me alone to do my business in the bathroom. Why couldn't my father hire a male therapist and caregiver for me? Why did it have to be a female, and not just a female, but one with a big mouth and an overbearing attitude?

After my Ambien-induced afternoon nap, Bella took me back for my afternoon rendezvous in hell. The session left me in a great deal of pain and in a very bad mood. Even though she told me that it was a productive session, I doubted her. I couldn't feel a damn thing except exhaustion, how could that be labeled as good?

* * *

One month had passed and nothing seemed to have improved. Although I can sit without using a chest harness, my improvements came very slow, too slow for me. I hadn't even had a chance to stand up yet. Bella on the other hand, seemed very pleased with my progress. I would catch her nodding and smiling at every little thing that I would accomplish. Our relationship did not improve over time, she would order me around and I usually would snap at her. She would push me to my limits every single time.

The therapy sessions were grueling and felt like an utter punishment. It left me drained and grumpy at the end of the day. The spasms continued to hound me and every attack was worse than the first. Days dragged on as I sunk deeper into depression, nothing could seem to lift the clouds that latched on and engulfed me. The only respite came in the name of Valium and Vicodin; my anti-depressant and pain medicine. My parents kept a happy face, a front around me with hopes that I would snap out of it. I felt myself detaching from everyone around me. As much as I tried, I kept being reminded of the things I could no longer do: school, driving, running…even the thought of not being able to have sex or even children in the future made me cringe and spiral deeper and deeper into oblivion.

Buzz….Buzz….

My cell phone rang as I was listening to my iPod. I groaned at the caller ID. It's been a while since I last spoke with my buddy Emmett, but I wasn't in the mood for his happy attitude and jokes. I left the call unanswered and let it go directly to my voicemail.

After a few minutes, I punched the message button of my iPhone and listened to Emmett's message. _Dude, I know you're there. You can't hide from me Ed. I am in town and I will call you again in a few minutes…better answer me!_

Sure enough, Emmett's call came within a few minutes.

"What do you want?"

_Who are you and what have you done to my friend? _Emmett chuckled on the other end of the line.

"Emmett, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in school?" I ignored the joke. I wasn't in the mood for his humor. Hell, I wasn't in the mood for anything anymore.

_Some_ _shit came up so I am off to do whatever I want for the rest of the week. I am about three minutes away so open the door for me._ The line went dead even before I had the chance to respond, to tell him that I was not in the mood for company.

"Shit!" I groaned before I scrambled to roll my wheelchair to answer the door. Bella was due anytime now, and I didn't want any audience during my therapy session. Emmett's timing sucked, but he was my best friend, so I'd have to endure his wisecracks for the time being.

I heard voices laughing outside even before I got to the door. It was apparent that Emmett and Bella had already met outside. I bet Emmett already turned on his charm and Bella would be a target for him right now. Bella's voice was as soft as the first day I heard her speak. Her laughter was pure and genuine, something I haven't heard before. I felt a pang of jealousy ripple from within but I hastily brushed it aside. I was being foolish. I had no time for such nonsense.

Bella was already inserting the key in the door when I swung the door open. Her big smile was immediately replaced with a more subdued one when she saw me. She briefly assessed me before looking at Emmett.

"It was nice meeting you Emmett. I will see you around." She turned towards me, "See you in the gym in 10 minutes," before she walked away to the direction of her room.

"The pleasure is all mine, see you around Bella." Emmett had a stupid grin on his face that made my blood boil. As soon as he walked in, I slammed the door shut and started wheeling myself back to my bedroom as Emmett followed closely behind. He was lugging a duffel bag and it made me suspicious if he was planning to stay the night. Emmett had spent countless nights with us during our summer and winter vacations from the university.

"Hey Buddy, what's up with the long face?" I could detect the laughter in his voice and it irked me that I was ready to lash out at Emmett. He really wasn't trying to be annoying, he just was.

"Nothing, just tired, is all." I stated curtly. "Are you staying for the night?" I eyed his duffel bag with open disdain which Emmett didn't seem to notice. He was one of those people who were dense when it came to subtlety or not-so-subtle hints.

"In fact, I might stay for a whole week. Your parent said it was okay. Yah know how they love me!" He gave me one of his toothpaste ad smiles and I just shook my head at him.

"Fine, since you have invited yourself already, take the upstairs room because Bella is already using the guest bedroom down here."

"Oh but, I didn't invite my….Bella stays here?" The look in his face when he heard Bella's name was almost comical but I didn't laugh. I didn't like the fact that he was showing interest for Bella. I fought the urge to say something so I stayed quiet. Why in the hell did it feel like I was a green eyed monster? I didn't even like the woman.

"Listen, I will leave you here while I go to therapy. Make yourself at home." I wheeled my chair towards the door when I felt a tug from behind.

"Here, let me take you there." Emmett started pushing my chair without even waiting for my answer. I pulled my arms in and seethed quietly. I couldn't understand why the thought of him and Bella in the same room threatened me when I disliked the woman with the motor mouth with a passion.

Bella was already in the gym when Emmett and I got there. There was a slow lazy smile that graced her face when she glanced at me.

"Here we are," Emmett said as he pushed me towards the exercise bed and walked to the opposite end of the room. He then sat at on the little sofa with a loud flop and turned the TV on.

"Edward, move right here next to the ultrasound machine." I wheeled myself closer to where the machine was located and I transferred myself onto the exercise bed with more ease and confidence this time. I could see Emmett out of the corner of my eye, watching me intently. I lay down on my back while dragging my dead and useless legs with me.

"Let me do some bending exercises and stretches on you before we start the ultrasound therapy." Bella began with my left leg, bending it towards me. The shooting pain that radiated from my legs caught me off guard. "What the fuck are you doing? That hurts like hell." I screamed at her while I took a hold of her arm in an effort to stop her.

Bella threw me a threatening look as I kept my hand on her arm. "Please let go of my arm Edward and stop acting like a child. I am not hurting you. You know this is something I have to do stimulate your muscles. If I don't do this, your muscle will atrophy and all your hopes of ever walking again won't even be a possibility." Her voice rang loud in my ear as she looked at me straight in the eyes. I don't see anger at all. In fact, I saw kindness in them and something else…I couldn't place it. I let go of her arm, slowly dropping my hand to me side. She continued doing the exercises while I suffered in silence. I restrained myself from cursing and kept my mouth shut despite the pain that each bend, stretch and flex elicited.

The ultrasound therapy was heaven sent. Every single vibration brought forth relief to some muscles that I could feel. It was surprising that I had some feelings on some parts of my legs. That little sensation gave me hope, hope that I dared not speak with anyone.

Bella moved the little gadget in a circular motion on my skin gently. Her hands moved with meticulousness and I could see the compassion in her actions despite her brusque mouth and attitude.

I felt a bit better after the afternoon therapy was over. I wheeled my chair to my room after the session was ended to Bella's satisfaction and left Emmett, who chose to linger around Bella. I needed to get away fast but not fast enough. I could hear the easy banter between them as I made a turn to my room. I slammed the door as hard as I could; hoping to drown the voices away. Despite the animosity that I felt towards Bella, I couldn't ignore the other nagging feeling that kept creeping up on me.

* * *

"Ed, would you like to join Bella and me on a night out on the town? Your parents cleared us for the night and they said that it'll be good for you to breathe some fresh air…."

I cut him off in mid-sentence with a resounding, "No!"

"Why not man? Don't tell me that you are aiming for hermit hood?" Emmett said as he playfully slapped me on my shoulder.

"Why do you need a third wheel? It's obvious that you have the hots for Bella. This will be your chance to be alone with her, and you just might get lucky." I retorted bitterly.

"Whoa, is that what you are thinking? Is that why you are in a bad mood?" Emmett sat on my bed and propped my pillow behind him, his eyes scanning my face for any hint of an answer.

"I am not in a bad mood!" I nearly screamed the words out. "I am annoyed and in pain. I am stuck in this damn wheelchair all day. Stuck with the drill sergeant who doesn't understand my pain."

"Ohhhhhhhhh shit Ed, you're in big trouble man!" Emmett began and I glared at him. What was this blabbering idiot up to now?

"Emmett, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about."

"Ed, you may have damaged your legs from the accident, but I don't think it affected your brain at all." Yeah, that's Emmett alright, forget tact and sympathy. He'd say things that would shock people. He called it _speaking his mind_. I called it moronic. "I think you have fallen for her man!" Emmett said dramatically.

I stared at him in horror. "What the fuck are you talking about? Why would I fall for her?" I asked incredulously.

"Dang, and you are blind too! Can't you see that Bella digs you too? And I thought you were good with body language? You guys were practically doing foreplay. I saw you both in action with my own eyes.

Emmett was getting on my last nerve. I took my iPod and headphones from my drawer hastily. I was ready to tune him out. He wasn't making any sense. Me, in love with Bella? Bella liked me too? That was ridiculous. What do I have to offer her, or anyone for that matter, at this point in my life? The whole idea was absurd. Emmett just didn't know when to stop.

"Emmett, I am done talking. Go if you want and leave me in peace, will you? If you like her, go for it but don't even begin to mess with me." I slapped the headphones in my ears, turned the volume up and closed my eyes, hoping that would shut him up.

Emmett took the headphones from my ears, "Hey, I'm not done talking to you. Whether you like it or not, you are coming with us tonight. If I have to carry you to the car, so be it." He snapped the headphones back in my ears and strode out of my room.

"Fuck you!" I shouted above the blaring music in my ears.

True to his words, Emmett practically carried me out of the house. His big and burly physique enabled him to carry me like I was a ragdoll. As much as I tried to fight him off, my disability prevented me from taking a hard aim at him. Emmett merely laughed it off and slung me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing. Bella pushed my empty wheelchair in Emmett's waiting truck as he deposited me in the front passenger seat. Bella took the seat behind me for a short five minute ride to town.

We entered the dingy bar a few minutes later with Emmett clearing the way for me. Bella followed behind me and hadn't said a word to me at all. We found a booth at the end of the room where there was enough space to maneuver my wheelchair.

"Do you want to sit on the booth?" Bella asked me as soon as Emmett left to get our drinks from the bar.

"No," I replied tersely. Bella's lips thinned as she looked at me. I braced myself for a barrage of insults like we normally throw at each other but none came. She looked away and I sat in my wheelchair waiting for the damn drinks to come. Neither one of us said a word as we waited for Emmett. I watched Bella as she drummed her slender fingers on the table while she was scanning the room. Her body was moving to the beat of the music, oblivious to everything else around her.

Emmett came back juggling six little shot glasses between his massive fingers. Bella helped him unload the glasses on the table as Emmett took the seat opposite of Bella.

"Here," he handed me and Bella a glass each. "The last one to finish will drink the remaining shots right away.

"Ready, set, go….." We downed our drinks fast, but I heard Bella thud her glass on the table first followed by Emmett.

"Damn," I cursed under my breath as I picked up the shot glasses and downed the first two without any difficulty. I was picking up the third glass when Bella held my hand to stop me.

"Let me get that for you." She offered gently, but I shook her hand off.

"I am not a child, I don't need a babysitter." I said before I chugged the tequila down.

"You are acting like a child. Do you know that? All pouty and angry. If you have a problem, deal with it." Bella retorted, her face suddenly close to mine.

"I am dealing with it, can't you see? Although, there's one that I can't deal with right now."

"What would that be?"

"You and your bossy attitude!" I screamed on the top of the blaring music from the speakers hanging on the wall behind us.

"Well, that's one thing you have to live with Edward. You don't have a choice in the matter; your father hired me to get you to your fullest potential. So deal with that. You can't get rid of me just yet." Bella glared back at me. Emmett sat there looking back and forth between me and Bella.

"We'll see about that." I said and turned my wheelchair around so I was facing the stage. By this time, the karaoke session started and I pretended to listen intently. Still seething inside, I decided to wheel myself to the bar and ordered three more shots for myself. I quickly drank each one and stayed away from Bella and Emmett as long as I could. This night was turning out the way I pictured it. A total fail.

The effect of the alcohol finally reached its desired level as I felt a little calmer. My body started to loosen up and I felt more relaxed. I wheeled myself back to our booth to ask Emmett to take me home when I found a man bending on our booth and talking to Bella, and Emmett was nowhere in sight. Judging by their body language, I could see that Bella was trying to push the guy away but the man appeared a little persistent.

Without thinking, I halted my wheelchair next to the man, the wheel narrowly missing his foot by a mere inch.

"Honey, what's going on here?" I called out loudly and Bella looked at me with a mixture of relief and disbelief. The man turned to me and I could see that he was sizing me up. I wouldn't amount to much if a fight broke out.

"Nothing, I was just telling this gentleman that I came here with my boyfriend." Bella replied pointedly.

"Come here then and let's look for Emmett so we can go home." I pulled her hand to help her out of the booth. I wrapped my hand around her waist and pulled her back to sit on my lap.

"Oh…." Bella gasped as she found herself sitting on me.

"This is just for show. Don't get me wrong. Don't think you've got it made." I hissed in her ears but tried to appear like I was saying something funny to her, just for the show I decided to put on for the man's sake.

"I am not holding my breath sweetie," Bella giggled and snaked her arms around my neck as she planted a kiss on my lips.

"Damn!" The man cursed before he walked away, shaking his head.

"I'm not in love, so don't forget it." I pushed her off my lap, but not before I whispered in her ears the words that I regretted the moment they left my mouth.

"You're an asshole, Edward Cullen." Bella smirked and turned to leave.

"Bella, Edward… what was that about? What's with the lip-lock?" Emmett was grinning widely as he came bounding to our booth.

"Nothing, can we go home now?" I was already wheeling myself out. I could feel the sweat running down the side of my face. The bar was too crowded and I was feeling claustrophobic, I had enough of it for one night.

* * *

Another month had passed and my development was at a snail's pace. Bella and I never mentioned anything about the incident in the bar. She drilled me every single day during my therapy, pushing me to my limit. She would always say, _No pain, No gain,_ which irritated me to no end. She kept mostly to herself when she didn't have to work with me. I would see her reading a book or listening to her iPod in the garden as she passed the time.

I couldn't bring myself to apologize for the things I'd said that night. I felt like an ass that put his foot in his mouth. I couldn't deny that I enjoyed the kiss immensely, but who was I kidding? What would Bella possibly have to do with me? I attributed the feelings as a silly phase I was going through. I was not in love with Bella Swan, I told myself repeatedly.

* * *

**BPOV:**

Sure, I needed the money so I took on this job that many of my colleagues thought was madness. Why would an accomplished Physical Therapist work as a care giver on the side? The almighty dollar was the driving force behind my decision. I had loans that needed to get paid before I took another plunge towards another career that I had been aiming for. I promised myself that I would pay off my student loans before I head to get my master's degree in Physiotherapy. Dr. Cullen's offer was far too great to ignore and this I thought would be the answer to my prayers.

Little did I know that I would be dealing with an angry and self-absorbed individual, a far cry from his laid back and accommodating parent. I have always dealt with my patients with care, sensitivity, patience and respect. That was the very reason that I came highly recommended by the head of the Rehab Department. But Edward Cullen was testing every bit of my patience and resilience. His _I don't care attitude_ was getting to me. He had so much potential for improvement but his depression was getting the best of him. I could only help him as much as he wanted to help himself. I found myself being the opposite of how I usually treat my patients. Instead of caring, I would throw him some insults to get him to move or do something. Instead of guiding, I found myself pushing. I have grown to loathe myself for the past three months, but it seemed like this method was the only thing that would work.

I couldn't admit to myself that I was silently attracted to this infuriating man. The kiss that I gave him was to show that I didn't care at all, but the realization hit me that I do care. I feel threatened every time I see him, every time I hold him. It felt like I would unravel in front of him. I caught him several times watching me and that was enough to make me want to run away…. I didn't need this in my structured life at the moment.

A loud slam took me out of my quiet reverie. The sound came from somewhere in the living room, or did it? Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were attending a fund raiser and I doubt that they'd be back so soon. I got up quickly and retrieve the baseball bat I found inside the closet and wrapped my robe tightly before I peeked out my door. The house was quiet and dark, and I assumed that Edward would already be in bed sleeping. I walked the hallway on tiptoes, trying not to make even the slightest noise. I held the bat close to my chest, ready to swing at a moment's notice.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as I checked the front door and the windows. I made my rounds in the entire house. I was walking back to my room when I heard Edward moans from his bedroom. Against my better judgment, I opened his door as quietly as I could, to check if everything was alright. His bed was empty and it seemed like he hadn't even made it to his bed yet. I walked forward cautiously when I reached his bedside and found Edward on the floor. His head was bleeding and he obviously couldn't pull himself up, an almost empty bottle of scotch was lying next to him on the floor.

"Edward, are you okay?" I rushed to his side and struggled a little trying to help him into a seating position. What would normally be an easy task was proving difficult because of the fact that he was drunk.

"Angel?" He opened his bloodshot eyes briefly and tried to focus on my face. He smiled a little but fell to the floor again.

"What are you doing to yourself, getting all drunk like this?" I heard a little sob escape me while I tried to help him up again. His dead weight was a bit too much for me after all; I was almost half his size.

"I'm not in love with my angel, and I think she hates me."Edward said through slurred speech and he was reeking of alcohol.

"Who is your angel Edward? Tell me." I wanted to keep him talking while I helped him up, but the more I tried to help, the more agitated he got. I needed to get the first aid kit so I could clean him up too.

"Bella's my angel but I told…." He hiccupped and my heart skipped a beat. "But I told her that I am not in love with her…no…no…" he waggled his finger at me. "But I think I am… I am so foolish…"

"Why do you say you are foolish?" At that point, I managed to get him up on his wheelchair which would make it easier for me to transfer him to bed. I made a quick check on the bleeding area but found that the wound wasn't deep enough to require stitches. I held him upright with one hand as I pulled back the bed cover.

"Because…I am foolish to have fallen in love with my angel…" he coughed a little, seeming like he was going to throw up. I wanted to run to the bathroom but I couldn't leave him unsupported while seated on the wheelchair. "She won't love me back…I have no feelings in my legs…I don't even think I am….."

"Edward, go on… keep talking." With one swift move, I got him on the bed but his arms snaked around my waist, effectively pinning my body against his.

"I'mmmm not capable of making love…anymore…. I don't think I can…." His voice sounded pained and my heart went out to him.

"You won't know it unless you try, Edward." I heard myself say without thinking. I should know better. This was a part of our training in school. This was one of the biggest problems that spinal cord injured patients faced.

His hand tightened around me even more and he pulled my body impossibly closer to him.

"Edward, please let me go. I have to check your forehead, you are bleeding." I asked him gently, not wanting to get him agitated. I suspected that he may have mixed his pain medication with the alcohol which was a big mistake.

"No, stay with me because my angel won't." He begged, his eyes were closed but his hand began to slip into my robe. I held his hand to keep them from touching me.

"Edward, listen to me. Please let me go. I need to cleanse your wound and put a bandage on it." I tried to pry his hand from me that was wrapped around my waist but he struggled with me. He kept both arms around me thus making it difficult to free myself from his embrace. I would be a hypocrite if I said that I didn't like the feel of his arms around me. This was all wrong. I couldn't possibly allow myself to fall in love with him, or have I already? I needed to stay focused. Have I lost my mind?

"Tell my angel that I love her, will you? I thought it was a silly phase I was going through…. Hmmmm…you smell like my angel."

_I love you too, Edward. _I replied under my breath. Before I could say anything aloud, I felt his arms relaxed around me and soon after, his even breathing was all I could hear. I took the moment to look at his face up close. Although I've been around him for over three months, this was the first time I really _saw_ him, his face at peace. He was gorgeous and looking at him made me ache. I tried to memorize every single line and plane, to commit it to memory.

After an hour or so, I heaved myself out of his embrace and got out of bed. I wrapped my robe securely around me before I proceeded to search for the first aid kit to cleanse his wound and put a bandage over it. I removed his shoes and positioned him comfortably in bed before I placed a blanket over him. I gave him a kiss on the lips, ever so lightly, so as not to wake him up.

I walked quietly out the door after I gazed at him for one last time.

I stayed up all night tossing and turning. I knew what happened to me. My worse fear had been realized. I had fallen in love with Edward, fallen deeply in love with him. This was wrong! Not because he was paralyzed, not because he wasn't sure if he could ever make love to a woman. It was because I breached the promise that I made to myself. I allowed my personal feelings to get the best of me. Work and personal feelings didn't mix. I let my feelings affect my work and it wasn't fair for Edward to have to be trapped with me.

With tears in my eyes, I pulled a piece of paper from the desk and scribbled my letter of resignation.

I had to go; they needed to find someone who could help him better than I could. A professional who knew what propriety meant.

* * *

_Dear Dr. and Mrs. Cullen,_

_It is with a heavy heart that I am tending my resignation from my position as your son's personal therapist and caregiver. I feel that I am not serving his best interest when I let my own emotions take over and got the best of me. It wouldn't be fair to you, and especially to Edward, if I stay. I am sorry for the short notice. I will have another of my colleagues fill in for me as to not impede Edward's progress. Please tell Edward that I felt the same way. He will know what I mean._

_Thank you for the opportunity that you have given me. I have no regrets._

_Sincerely,_

_Bella Swan_

* * *

**A/N: Well what do you guys think? I have several requests to turn this into a full story and I am glad to say that I am writing the next chapter already. It may take some time before I post but I will. Please put me in your author alert or story alert if you want an update when I finally post. Thanks for reading. Leave me some love on your way out.**


	2. Chapter 2 Unthinkable

Here I am again. I just can't resist the urge to write this story as soon as I got the chance. Edward and Bella begged to be written and posted right away. After this chapter, you will find out why. This is a tie-in with the first chapter.

The tone of the story will take a different turn beginning the next chapter. No more depressedWard.

I don't own Twilight or any of the character, SM does. I am just a twi-addict who loves playing with Eddie and Bella. Please don't forget to visit my profile and check out the banners and the song that inspired the one-shot turned chapter one.

Oh I want to say thanks to SK who was very patient in pre-reading all the chapters I have in hand already. And *snort* thanks to Jelly too...another awesome pre-reader. Hey EE girl, you always come through for me and yet you say I am not your favorite. Thanks from the bottom of my 'evil and annoying' heart. LOL. Wendy, get well soon sis!

I am lucky to have awesome people around me.

Thanks and hope you enjoy the chappie.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Unthinkable**

**EPOV:**

A skull numbing pain and gut wrenching ache rocked my head even before I opened my eyes. I didn't' have the slightest idea what happened the night before. All I could remember was that the bottle of scotch and I got more than intimate. The music playing in my IPod had got me all riled up, thinking of Bella and all the stuff that made me hate myself even more.

Using the trapeze to pull myself up, the jolting pain in my head whacked me back down against my pillow.

"What the heck?"

I ran my hand through my hair and found a bandage on what felt like a cut on my forehead. How in the earth did I get it? I kept my eyes shut to stop the crippling headache from hitting me with full force. I waited for several minutes for the ache to subside before I attempted to pull myself up again. The throbbing continued but this time, I succeeded in hoisting myself up into a sitting position.

I lifted my dead legs one after the other and positioned my body so I could scoot to the edge of my bed, to get as close as possible to my wheelchair. The whole damn process was an ordeal in itself, taking too darn long. I felt as the beads of sweat formed on my temple as I lowered myself on the chair. I secured my feet on the footrest before wheeling myself into my bathroom.

How odd, there were pieces of gauze with blood on them inside the waist basket as well as the cleansing solution, tape and scissors on top of the bathroom counter. I took one look at myself in the mirror and saw my bloodshot eyes and the bandage that covered half of my forehead.

How did I get to bed and who taped me up? I hastily brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face and I hurriedly wheeled myself out of my room and into the kitchen where I smelled some good old fashion bacon and eggs wafting in the air.

"Mom?" I called out even before I reached the kitchen. Somehow, I could feel deep down that something was wrong. What did I miss?

"Edward, honey? I am glad you're up already. Want some breakfast?" My mom turned around with a big smile on her face that quickly disappeared when she saw the bandage on my forehead.

"Edward, what happened to you?" The horror in her voice was palpable and the worried expression was back on her face again. The look that I swore I didn't want my mother to have ever again.

"Mom, sit down please. I am okay….aside from a nasty hang over, that's what I want to find out. Do you have any idea what happened to me?" I asked as I watched my mom shook her head several times before she answered.

"No, we were out last night, remember? It was just you and Bella here…. And….oh my god! Edward, did you do anything to Bella? Is that why she left?" The words were spilling out of my mother's mouth and nothing made any sense to me. All I heard was Bella left. And although I did not have any clear memory of the events last night, I had the sick feeling in my stomach that I may have something to do with her leaving.

"Mom, what do you mean Bella left?" I was already wheeling myself out of the kitchen and into the hallway, in the direction of Bella's bedroom. It took a great deal of effort not to barge into her bedroom. I took a deep breath before I knocked on her door.

"Bella?"

I knocked several times but no answer came. I turned the knob quietly. "Bella, are you in here?" Still no answer, I could feel the panic starting to brew inside me as I let myself in and found her bed made. There was no sign of Bella inside and her bathroom was empty too.

"What the fuck happened here?" I shouted to myself as I madly wheeled towards her walk-in closet. I almost ripped the door off its hinges when I tore it open. No clothes, the shelves were empty and the hangers were hanging idly on the bar.

"Mom! Mom! Where did Bella go?" I screamed. I was beginning to feel sick in my stomach. I felt a slight tremor of puke rising up to my throat and I hurriedly wheeled in to the bathroom just in time to empty my stomach of its contents into the toilet bowl. I hacked and puked until I felt my stomach settle down and empty enough to guarantee that it was safe for me to part with the toilet bowl.

"Edward honey, were you drinking last night? You know, you can't mix alcohol and painkillers." My mom said quietly as she rubbed my back soothingly. She handed me a towel after I gurgled and splashed my face with water.

"Mom, not right now please. I want to know where Bella is and why you said she left." My voice sounded shaky, the thought of Bella not being around, despite her thorny attitude was something I wasn't ready for. I wanted her to be around. I needed her to be around.

_God, I think I love the woman!_

"When your dad and I woke up this morning, we found a letter on the kitchen table and it was from Bella. Hold on, let me get it so I can show you." My mom padded out of the room and I was left in a state of shock. I didn't expect Bella to leave. I didn't want her to leave.

After a few minutes, my mother came back in Bella's room just as I was emerging from the bathroom. I could still feel my stomach churning but I couldn't focus on anything but Bella. My mother handed me a piece of folded paper, her face laced with anxiety.

I read the letter several times, over and over. I felt angry tears stinging my eyes as I blinked them back, hoping not to unravel in the presence of my mother. What did Bella meant when she wrote,_Please tell Edward that I felt the same way. He will know what I mean_.

How did she know how I felt? If she knew, why would she leave? How was I supposed to know what she meant? Was I too much for her? That's why she left? The tears that were threatening to fall finally did and I wheeled myself out of Bella's room through blurry eyes.

I had to get out of here, but how far could I go? I've never felt so trapped in my life like I did at that moment. I slammed the door behind me and wheeled around the room in my wheelchair, since it was the closest I could get to pacing.

I stopped briefly and gripped my hair with both hands to keep my head from spinning. Not only did I have a mean hang-over but the reality that Bella left hit me like a ton of bricks. The thought that I might not see her everyday was unbearable.

As much as it constantly annoyed me when she was a loud mouth, it didn't mean that I was not enjoying our verbal sparring every single time. She was a spitfire who didn't mind yelling at me for any reason. It seemed like she didn't want give me a chance to feel sorry for myself, even if it were the last thing she could do.

What the fuck happened last night? Did I, in any way disrespect Bella? If I could only remember what happened. I dragged my fingers in my hair, trying to make myself remember.

"Fuck!" I hollered, not knowing what else to do. I came up empty trying to retrace my actions from the night before. All I remembered was drinking the scotch and listening to the music. Everything else was hazy. I must've passed out…and Bella would have been the one to help me. Could I have done something to her at that time? So many questions with no answers, and only Bella could give me an answer.

"Mom! Could you come down here please?" I used my cell phone to call my mother who was in their second floor bedroom.

Within a few minutes, my mother knocked on the door as I was wrestling with my jeans on top of my bed. Jeans were the most difficult piece of clothing to put on, it usually took me over 15 minutes and a bucketful of sweat to get into them.

"Mom, can you drive me? I want to look for Bella." I asked as I squirmed into my jeans making grunting noises in the process. The effort took so much from me and I was growing more frustrated by the minute.

"Sure son…. Do…you want me to help you?" My mother asked tentatively since she knew that I didn't take kindly to any offers of help.

"Please…. if you don't mind." I finally gave up. My headache wasn't helping at all. I could feel the steady throbbing in my temple and there was no sign that it would ease up anytime soon.

"Not at all. Why don't you lay flat on the bed, since it would be easier for me to get you into your jeans that way?

I did what I was told and sure enough, after a minute, she was fastening my button-fly.

"Thanks. Can we go now?" I asked while I transferred myself into my wheelchair. I hadn't been able to take a shower, the process would take too long and I didn't want to waste another goddamn minute.

"Do you have any idea where to find her?" If my mother had questions about my behavior or the reason behind Bella's letter and absence, she kept it to herself and I was thankful for that. Answering questions was the last thing in my mind.

"I don't. Um…check her application please. I am sure there will be an address in there somewhere. I will try her cell phone."

I dialed the number that Bella had given me to call her in case of any emergency. I was readily greeted by a disconnected number recording. I redialed thinking I may have gotten a wrong number but the same message played again.

"Fuck," I cussed under my breath and decided to wait for my mother by the front door.

In just a matter of minutes, my mother came with Bella's address written on a piece of paper. If I would make a guess, she must've left not too long ago, maybe within the last five to six hours.

"Let's go Edward," my mother said and started pushing my wheelchair to her car. I managed to get myself in her car without hurting myself and my mom folded my chair and stowed it in the car's compartment.

"Port Angeles, it's about 45 minutes from here," I said out loud. I couldn't think of anything but wanting to get Bella back, to find out why she left so suddenly and what did she meant by 'feeling the same way'.

We drove in silence…with my mother constantly glancing in my direction. I kept a straight face when all I wanted to do was shout and scream in frustration. The steady pounding in my head didn't help my mood either. My mood seemed to darken by the minute.

I've never felt this way towards any woman. Bella, I was sure wouldn't know because I've kept it hidden. I didn't want her to feel pity that a crippled man was in love with her. I didn't welcome the idea of being a recipient of her pity.

I wasn't ready to let her go. I wanted to be with her more than anything. It came very close to my desire to walk again. That was how much I felt for her. Emmett saw it and told me. He knew I've fallen for Bella, hard!

We reached Port Angeles and found her place right away. She was renting a room from an elderly couple she had mentioned in one of our rare conversations which didn't involve getting onto each other's nerves.

My mom hurriedly took out my wheelchair from the car and helped me get situated in my wheelchair. We followed the little cobbled path to the front door but the few steps stopped me in my tracks. I had to wait for my mother where the steps were while she bounded up the stairs straight to the door. She rang the doorbell and checked on me. If she thought I was going to disappear then she was sadly mistaken. Nothing could make me leave now. I wasn't going anywhere. I couldn't.

An elderly woman answered the door and peered at my mother then at me. I knew that my mother could charm the information from her. I waited while they talked. I could see my mother's expression from where I was sitting, her shoulders sagged and I had a pretty good idea what it meant.

After a few minutes, she returned to me with a sad look in her face. "Edward, Mrs. Stewart said that Bella had left not long ago, taking all her belongings which is mainly her clothes. She has no idea where Bella is headed. She didn't tell Mrs. Stewart where she was going and what her plans were."

I must've have broken down in front of my mother because the next thing I knew, she was holding me in her arms while my frustrations finally caught up with me in form of tears. I was a confirmed pansy. Tears seemed to be making a regular appearance in my life.

"Let's go home, Edward." My mother said as she pushed me back to the car. Suddenly, I had no strength to wheel myself. I couldn't move. I want Bella back. Just the way it used to be.

How do we find someone who didn't want to be found? We returned home and the next several days were the toughest. I missed Bella immensely and found myself ready to give anything to have her back. The woman who was her replacement was efficient enough but she didn't have Bella's spunk, Bella's mouth. She wasn't Bella period.

Fuck my life!

* * *

**A/N:** This is kinda short, just to show everyone what happened to Edward the next day when he awaken to find out that Bella had left. The next chapter will have a different tone. No more depressedWard. He decided to take over his misery and do something about it. I am sure you guys are interested in finding out how he turned out after Bella left him. Stay tuned and find out soon. Pimp the story out if you can. Thanks for reading. Please leave me some love.


	3. Chapter 3 Changeable

Okay, as I mentioned in the last chapters A/N that I decided to take this story on a different route. I think I write enough sad stories and another one wouldn't even stand out anymore. If you are looking for sad…like really sad, try reading Midnight Blue (so sorry for my shameless promotion here). The story packs enough punch in the hopeless, helpless and utterly sorrowful department .

Edward here has a different outlook after Bella left without word. Such a shame since we know that Edward is in love with her. She has a reason though and you will find out soon enough. I just added a chart on my profile tagged: Wheelchair Sex~ Check it out if you are curious or in need of a 'giggle'. It will give you an idea what I'm talking about.

Nothing much to say here except thanks to several people, EE…your awesomeness never ceases to amaze me. You are always helping me when I'm in a bind and it seems like I always get myself in those situations. SK girl, I don't know what I will do without you. You're a cheerleader, pre-reader and stress reducer rolled into one. Thank you for every little thing that you do for me. Jellehhhhhh… as much as we both know how busy you are, you always squeeze my chapters in and give me your input. Love ya for it. Last but not the least, Wendy...I know you're trying to get things done for me but you gotta take care of 'you' first. I can wait. Hope you are feeling much, much better now.

Whoa, sorry for rambling…lol… got a little carried away!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Changeable**

"Edward, can you please keep the volume down? Fuck…its freakin' 8 o'clock in the morning man!" Emmett screamed at me from his room followed by a thud, which I assumed was a pillow hitting the wall.

I grinned to myself before I lowered the volume down. It's hard to believe that Emmett and I had been roommates for over two years now and we haven't slugged each other yet. Our stark differences or better yet, our glaring disparities haven't gotten in the way yet.

I was an early riser and Emmett was a child of the darkness. He would come out of his room especially on weekend, when it was already close to sundown. Although we took the same path career-wise, we are likened to night and day. He is a one woman man, having been smitten- goo-goo eyed in love with Rosalie for over a year now while I was a confirmed bachelor who enjoyed the company of many women.

I wasn't a player by any means. I just haven't felt strongly for anyone yet, although Tanya would be the closest one to a good relationship for me. She and I go way back, having met her at my first job at Motion, Inc. We hit it off right away and she didn't seem fazed by my disability.

She called it 'mobility impaired'. I had no problem with the tags about my disability. I felt that I had come to terms with my limitations and had moved forward. Each step headed in a positive direction. I had hit a few road blocks so to speak, here and there but for the most part, have accepted and embraced what I could and couldn't do. Tanya was probably be right, the only thing that set me apart from everyone else was the fact that they moved around upright while I would get things done sitting down.

I had been pretty independent since my accident. After Bella had left…..

I spent months looking for her and wouldn't give up. I wasn't ready to lose another good thing in my life. Looking for Bella could be likened to looking for a needle in a haystack. _Good luck Edward!_ She vanished without a trace. Nobody knew where she went and there weren't many people who knew her outside of work. We hit dead ends but we didn't stop. My parents and Emmett supported me every step of the way. I guess, in a way, the distraction helped me focus on something else beside my inability to walk.

But just like all good and bad things in life, everything ends, people move on. As much as it pained me that we had unfinished business, I had to think of _me_. I slowly began to realize that Bella didn't want me to look for her. She wanted nothing to do with me and it was crystal clear if I paid attention, if I stopped to look at the big picture.

As I loved to put it back then, I pulled my shitty head out of my ass and began thinking of what I had to do with my life. It wasn't easy, nothing was easy for me. I have to work doubly hard to achieve anything but it made me make the effort. I learned to appreciate life and things that I still had working for me. I took charge of my life and didn't look back. At some point, it felt like Bella was just a figment of my imagination.

_Shit! Get out of my head now! I don't have time to wallow in anything that had to do with her. She was a distant part of my past that I would rather not think of anymore._

After I pulled myself out of the depression that I succumbed to for almost a year, I had diligently gone back to the university. I changed my major when I realized that my true calling had something to do with helping people adapt to their situation after a life altering accident or illness, or whatever their case may be. I received my license two years ago as an Occupational Therapist. To say that I enjoyed my job was an understatement. Even as I helped patients from my wheelchair, I could honestly say that I was making a difference in people's lives.

I wheeled towards the kitchen to help myself to a cup of coffee which I successfully brought to the table without spilling or scalding myself with the hot liquid. I parked my wheelchair by the table and flicked the TV on but my attention was already glued to the newspaper on the table. I was perfectly engrossed with my reading material when I heard Emmett shuffling towards the kitchen.

I could tell from the grunting sounds that he made that the volume was the culprit again which I hurriedly adjusted just before he made it to the kitchen.

"Too late Eddie, you just ruined a perfectly good Saturday in bed for me. Dang it! My head's killing me." Emmett complained, flopping on the chair next to me, his massive body all exposed. He had nothing on except for his basketball shorts.

"Sorry dude, I always forget that I am the only one awake here." I stifled my laughter upon seeing the grimace on Emmett's face.

"Sure Eddie….that's what you always say. Next time, I will kick you out to the curb. I am not kidding. You know I can easily pick you up and throw you out." Emmett said with a little smirk of satisfaction on his face.

"Hey don't hate okay? I just wanted you to have a productive day is all." I smirked at him as I moved my now empty cup to the sink. After rinsing it, I shoved it in the dishwasher.

"Being a vegetable is what I want to be. I had a long week at the gym and am hung over to boot. So excuse me if I don't sound like 'little Ms. Sunshine'," he added as he pushed his body up lethargically to get himself a cup, or should I say a tall-Grande sized coffee.

"Well, I am off to work now for a few hours." I took my backpack from the coffee table and slung it on the handle of my chair. I halted my wheelchair momentarily to put on my 'wheeling' gloves. I realized that I had better traction and control of my chair when I am wearing the gloves, although sometimes, it made me feel like one of those biker guys. All I was missing was the leather jacket, helmet and the bike...? I may not have a bike but I have a car, which was more than what I imagined I could ever have again.

"Working on the weekend? What's up with that?" Yup, that's Emmett alright. It was a sacrilege for him to be anywhere but his bed during the weekend especially if it was in an ungodly hour.

"It's a registry call dude, they need coverage at Jeffrey's facility about five miles away and I feel bad, the poor guy couldn't find a therapist. I have to help out because god knows he comes through for me if I'm short staffed at the center too." I opened the door and wheeled my chair out down the ramp that was specifically made for me.

"See you later, sunshine." I heard Emmett mutter before I closed the door behind me. I wheeled myself straight to the street where my loyal Audi was waiting for me. I easily heaved my wheelchair down the one step sidewalk and flicked the automatic door locks. Getting in and out of my car was a perfected process for me. Thanks to the wide front door and automatic seat adjustment, my transfer to and from the car was easy as pie.

Emmett called my ride a _babe magnet_, not only referring to my car but my wheelchair as well. He claimed that women went gaga over my good looks and the wheelchair added to my intriguing persona. His words not mine. I scoffed every time he would say it though I must admit that I had my fair share of interesting relationships.

I guided my car out of our busy street in the suburb of Seattle. I purchased the house with the money that I got from my accident settlement after I graduated from college. Emmett of course was like my Siamese twin. We had been joined at the hip for many years now. I looked at it more like Mutt and Jeff, Ernie and Bert or even Superman and Wonder dog. Do not ask me who the dog was because Emmett wouldn't like my answer.

I took the freeway which I knew would be practically empty since the whole city was still asleep. I kind of enjoyed the quietness of my weekend drives. Always a good time to reflect on things without having to worry who was watching me.

Tanya had been very astute in reading my actions, every single one of them. It would be logical and even practical that we get together, as in get married one of these days but that was the problem. I didn't believe in being practical and listening to logic. I still would like to feel the 'love'. Call me crazy or as Emmett_, the effer_ would call me, a dude who had lost his marbles.

What I had always feared as one of my shortcomings or defects after my accident was not an issue anymore. In retrospect, I could call myself lucky because I could piss on my own and did not require those painful Urethra catheters. I have no problem relieving myself at all; the only difference once again, was that other men do their business standing up while I did mine sitting down. A little difference like that right there which didn't bother me anymore.

The big hoorah in my life was the fact that 'Big Willy' was still functional. The sensation was a different story. I didn't have enough feelings in my lower region but my brain still controlled _Willy_ and that made my life bearable. I would respond to sexual stimuli just like any normal blooded male. The fact that I could have a hard on was a big help to my vanishing ego.

All I had to do was train myself and realize what I was capable of. As I discovered that I could still satisfy a woman, my life greatly improved. I no longer felt that I was reduced to a crippled bastard for the rest of my life. One thing absent was my ability to ejaculate. A small price to pay but if I could make a woman scream in ecstasy then my work was done. I was a fulfilled man.

My own sexual gratification came with the visual stimuli that I was satisfying my partner even with my limited lower limb movement. Thrusting was the worst part for me but I had managed to somehow adapt different ways on how to give my partner a 'pounding' sensation.

So these things being said, I felt that my life although different from the others wasn't so bad after all. I might do things differently but as long as the end results were the same, then I had no problem with it.

"Hey Eddie, how's it going bud?" Jeffrey looked up from his computer when I entered the Rehab room. He ran the geriatric department of the Transitional Care Unit of Seattle Medical Center and would call for my services once in a while.

"Good…good. How's everything?" I parked my wheelchair in one of the cubicles and took my backpack from the back of my chair and put it down on the table while I powered up the computer.

"Everything's just fine…thanks for coming to help out Edward. Everyone's on vacation and there's a shortage of therapist lately. You were the only one I could call." Jeffrey offered apologetically.

"Hey no problem man, glad to be of help. Besides, I have nothing planned today so it's all good," I saluted him before I turned my attention to the monitor to check the people that required my services.

"Hey, what do you say about lunch and a drink after work? Heaven knows I need a stiff one after this crazy week." Jeffrey said before I picked up the phone to have the nurse bring my first patient to me, one of my few limitations was getting them from their room and taking them back.

"Sure…I'll have a drink."

The morning went by so quickly, before I knew it, it was time to go. "Jeff, I will meet you at Guthrie's in half an hour, okay? I have an errand I have to _run_ that can't wait." Jeffrey nodded.

After 10 minutes, I was making my way inside the Walgreens and went straight to the Health and Wellness section of the store. I quickly gathered two boxes of condoms and placed them on my lap. I joined the line and was placing my purchase on the scanning belt when I heard giggling behind me.

I looked up and saw a gorgeous woman most likely in her late 20's looking rather interested in my purchases. I returned her smile and shrugged my shoulders and proceeded to wait for my condoms to be rung up.

"Anything else for you?" the sales person asked with a twinkle in her eyes. I knew that look; I've seen it a lot over the years. I was not in the least offended with their interest. I had learned to accept that some people didn't see me as a cripple although majority still were wrestling with the shallow impression.

"That's about it," handing her my credit card as I checked out the gorgeous redhead behind me. I must say that I enjoyed looking at her, especially at the two double D's staring back at me. She hadn't stopped giggling and her action caused her supple breasts to jiggle a little bit.

After signing the receipt, I took my precious cargo and placed it on my lap before I noticed that Willy had sprung up on me.

_Crap! _Good thing I already had my back to them. That was the peril of my situation, Willy and I didn't have a good means of communication. It was one way, I tell him what I wanted but I didn't get the satisfaction of feeling his answer. I rearranged Willy from over my pants. I hated the fact that the tenting would take a while to subside. I waited until _Willy_ was calm enough before I made my way inside the bar to meet Jeffrey.

**Buzz...Buzz…..**

I felt my Iphone vibrating on top of Tanya's nightstand but chose to ignore it. I had better things to do and she was right in front of me.

The best thing about my chair was its versatility. With the removable armrest, wheelchair sex had been an enjoyable experience for me. It eliminated the hassle and frustration of not being able to pound and thrust. All Tanya had to do was sit on me in any position that pleased both of us.

"Today is _take Fido out day_," I told Tanya with a wink and her laugh reverberated inside her bedroom.

"Okay honey, show me how rough Fido likes it," Tanya responded as she positioned herself on top of me. Her velvety skin was warm under my touch and her body was already taut with anticipation. Her strawberry blond hair rested luxuriously on the side of her shoulders, creating a seductive look that turned me on.

**Buzz….Buzz….**

The persistent vibration kept at it while we worked on each other.

"Ed, check out who it is first, the buzzing is driving me nuts." Tanya stated in a weak voice, I knew that it took a lot for her to stop what we were doing. She got up while I helped to steady her. She swayed her hips teasingly as she walked over to the nightstand to pick up my phone.

"Oh man, its Jonesy," I groaned as I checked the caller ID and dialed his number right away. Jonesy was a pet name I gave Jonas, one of my closest friends and a college buddy. We both head the rehabilitation department at Locomotion Rehabilitation, Inc. where I was currently employed. He and I were both hired with the same capacity within the company. We were also given a percentage of the company's earning as an incentive to help revitalize the entire company's rehabilitation department in the greater Seattle area and the neighboring cities and other western states. As a one percent partner, Jonesy and I practically work our asses off day in and day out. Jonesy wouldn't call or text on a weekend unless it was really important.

"Jonesy….what's up bud?" I asked as soon as he got on the phone. Tanya lowered herself into a kneeling position in front of me and spread my useless legs apart before reaching for Big Willy. I watched her while I tried to concentrate on my phone conversation which was proving a bit difficult considering the action going on.

"Edward, I came down with a flu man…" he begun while Tanya popped Willy in her mouth. The visual I know was erotic enough to wake up my sleeping friend. I held Tanya's face up with my free hand so I could see every thrust and pump that she was making.

"I can't attend the convention in LA and it is imperative that one of us shows up there_." Oh shit, I knew it!_ I knew what Jonesie was about to say.

"Oh man….." was all I could say…in response to the visual stimulation happening before me and the knowledge that I had to haul my ass to LA.

"I will make all the arrangements for you. All you have to do is show up and make the presentation for me. Can I count on you Ed?" he coughed once, twice and I knew the answer before I said it.

"Sure….email the information to me and the presentation you want me to discuss. When am I supposed to leave?" Tanya's head bobbed up and down while I tried to focus on my phone conversation. I could feel myself _hardening_, at least, that was what I called the feeling in my head.

"Tomorrow. Thanks Edward. I owe you big time. I will make sure that you have a hand controlled car at the rental place waiting for you." Jonesie said before he hung up and I heard the last of his coughing.

As usual, Tanya and I satisfied each other before we collapsed on her bed. After a few minutes, she rested her head on my chest while I twirled my finger in her hair.

"Hun, I can come with you to LA if you want. I have too many vacation days available to me and I already requested the week off." Tanya looked up at me lazily while waiting for my answer.

"I don't mind you joining me. Actually it's a good idea. We can drive around after the convention but…what are you going to do while I am at the convention?"

"Don't worry about me Hun. I know how to entertain myself." Tanya said with a wink. "Give me your itinerary so I can match my flight arrangement with yours."

"I will email you the details once I get home which means I can't spend the night anymore. I have to pack my things and get some time to familiarize myself with the presentation materials that I have to make." I pushed myself up with my elbow while Tanya gathered my discarded clothes on the floor and pushed my wheelchair closer to the bed.

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**A/N:** So how was it? I gave you guys enough warning that this won't be a tear jerker as the two previous chapters suggested. What do you think of the new and improved Edward? *snort*

Also, I just want to remind you that this is still an Edward and Bella fic. You will eventually get the E and B fix that you are looking for, just allow me to take you on a "little" roller coaster ride before we get there. I can assure you that I will try my best to entertain you and make you laugh as we go along.

I have done my research on the said subject, but remember that this is fiction, so I may add a little embellishment here and there but for the most part, I took different real life experiences and rolled them into this story. Thanks also to Chat PT and Rochelle, PTA for all the rehab/Tx info and wisdom you shared with me.

Sooooo…let me know what you think of this chapter! Just know that Wednesday will be my regular posting day. Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4 Irrepressible

I lied, I said that I'll be posting on Wednesdays and here I am already, several hours ahead. Can't blame me if I got a little excited. _Tee Hee._

You guys cracked me up with your _Ewwws_ when Tanya's name came up. It only made me want to write her more. I am sure that you guys will find her irresistible by the time this story is over.

Bella? What about her? Ohhh yeah, she's going to make her appearance soon.

Just a quick thanks to four wonderful peeps. SK, EE, Wendy Stalker Sis and Jellybean.

FYI, I finished writing chapter 13 last night and I still find myself giggling after the fact. This story just took a life of its own and I am excited to share this next chapter with y'all. Thanks for all the kind comments. Keep 'em coming.

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**Chapter 4: Irrepressible**

**EPOV:**

Travelling when one has restrictions could prove challenging. I had always made it a point to arrive at the airport early so I could psyche myself with the part that I would be losing control of my situation even for a little bit. No, not fear of flying, not even air sickness but the fear of losing control. It had been my deepest fear ever since a certain woman left my life.

Since then, I made sure that I have some amount of control, if not full control, in any given situation that I might find myself in. So, my first order of business with every trip was to get a seat in the first class section. That location would enable me to get my wheelchair at the end of the walkway and board ahead of time. I would then transfer myself to an aisle chair which would fit the narrow passage within the plane. This was the very thing that drove me nuts. Being in a foreign chair and pushed by someone I didn't know. Yup! Call it crazy, but the mere thought scared the shit out of me.

"Hun, is everything okay? You've been awfully quiet since we got here," Tanya touched my arm lightly pulling me out of my internal chatter.

"Yes, I'm fine." I answered in a clipped tone. I wouldn't be able to relax until this trip was over; When I was on even ground and safely back in the comfort of my chair.

Tanya knew better, she respected my silence and my space. She was great like that and I appreciated her understanding. She stayed close to me, but didn't hover while I was taken to my seat. She slid into her window seat and waited until I was seated before showing any signs of concern.

"Ed? You want a drink? I can order a martini for you once everyone is settled." Tanya's voice was gentle and laced with kindness. What more could a guy ask for? Did I mention that her body was a knock out? She was curvaceous without being paper thin. Her tweedledee and tweedledum were the right size, perky and firm, not too big but definitely fit nicely in my hands, and my hands were pretty big.

"Yes please." I said quietly as I closed my eyes and forced a wave of calm within me. I started the _Aum_Chantin my head, willing myself to relax, to find peace from within. The plane had taken off and was at cruising altitude already before Tanya spoke to me.

"Here you go Hun. Do you need anything else?" She handed the martini to me before she took a sip of her of own OJ.

"I'm fine…thanks." Somehow, my hand landed on her knee. They were peeking from her skirt and her milky skin was inviting me, calling me. I loved the _Aum_ chant, really. It not only relaxed me, but activated my lust receptors too. I squeezed her right knee before I managed to slide my hand further up her skirt.

Tanya turned to me with a naughty smile. She had the look that that encouraged me to glide my hand furthermore. She took the blanket provided to us and covered our bodies with it. I smiled at her quick thinking. We didn't do a lot of kissing in our 'relationship'. We kept it mostly on the fuck partner level, friends with benefits, although I could see glimpses of her wanting more from our relationship.

My hand moved up her thighs slowly until they reached the summit, her summit. She was warm. She felt ready and she looked it. One look at her face told me that she wanted this as much as I did. I looked over to my left side to see if anyone was paying attention to us. The coast was clear and I summoned my fingers to curl inside her panties as they sought her opening. She moaned a little when I rubbed her little bud.

Damn, there goes Big Willy. Kitten noises always made him go berserk. I adjusted myself in my seat as I leaned closer to her.

"Tanya, I know it's hard, but no sound please. Let's make this as silent as we can. We don't need an audience," I whispered in her ear and she nodded once. I knew she was waiting and that was the fun part, knowing that she desired me as much as I wanted her.

I proceeded with my manual labor, the more I pushed in and out, the more juice she produced. She hoisted her leg on my top of my legs to grant me full access. The good 'ol blanket' was our savior. I never thought that I would be bold enough to do something like this in public. Well, technically, we were not exposed, but there were people all around us making it even more erotic, taboo even.

I pumped my fingers into her warm and wet walls before she let out another little moan. I covered her mouth with my free hand and kept pounding until I felt her muscles tightened around my fingers. She quivered, quaked and squirmed before I felt her relaxing. Her face was glowing like the Aurora Borealis.

_Score!_

Sweet Jesus! The woman worked fast. One minute she was orgasmic, mewling and glowing; then the next thing I knew, she moved at vampire speed and was sucking on Willy like a child deprived of a lollipop. Her body was hidden inside the blanket as she worked on giving Willy some love. Somehow Tanya knew how and when I reached my peak. I kept peeking under the blanket, watching her head as it bobbed up and down, forward and backward. I also managed to keep vigil on any peepers looking our way. So far so good.

Her head came out from under the blanket after about 10 minutes. Her lips looked like they were newly infused with Botox, all plump and juicy. She looked satisfied and I felt myself relax. Big Willy and I were satisfied and proud with our day's accomplishment.

_You are now a proud member of the Mile high club._ I grinned to myself. The flight was only a few hours and we shared a comfortable silence all the way to LA. She curled her legs underneath her while she read a book, her back rested on my shoulder. I re-read the presentation notes that Jonesy sent me several times, making sure that I wouldn't forget anything.

"Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. We are now 15 minutes away from Los Angeles International Airport. Please put your tray back and pull your seat to an upright position. Please buckle your seatbelts and we should be landing soon. Thank you for flying with Delta Air." Then the voice from the cockpit went off air.

After everyone had deplaned, the same chair appeared in front of me and I heaved myself onto it while Tanya took our stuff from the overhead bin. She handed me my laptop bag before I was whisked off to the exit door where my wheelchair was waiting for me. I felt a sudden burst of energy as soon as I transferred myself to my chair. It felt like home, comforting me and alleviating my anxiety.

Tanya and I _walked_ side by side as we made our way to the baggage claim area. I positioned my chair close to the moving conveyor and waited for the signal that the bags were on their way. Tanya's bag came out first and I handed it to her while mine followed a few minutes later. I placed my little overnight bag on my lap and we proceeded to the car rental kiosk down the hall.

I had learned to pack light for trips like this so I can put the little carry-on on my lap without having to ask anyone for help. Independence was very important to me. It empowered me and it got me through my tough times.

"Hun? Do you want me to drive?" Tanya asked me when the valet drove up with our rental. I shook my head and went around to the driver's side while Tanya efficiently took care of loading our stuff in the back compartment.

"So, we have the afternoon and night to ourselves. What do you feel like doing?" I asked Tanya when we were quietly lounging in our bedroom at the Chic Boutique hotel in the Westwood area of LA. Chic Boutique? The name made me want to twirl and break out in a song. I laughed to myself while Tanya freshened up in the bathroom.

"I am good with anything you feel like doing," Tanya said, always the giver…I didn't want her to be like that. I wanted her to tell me what she wanted, what she preferred and how she wanted it.

"C'mon, really, anything you want to do or visit?" I coaxed her some more, hoping that for once, she would tell me what she liked.

"Really Edward, I am fine with whatever you like," Tanya responded and I gritted my teeth in frustration but I didn't show it. She had been a good partner to me. I couldn't ask for anything more.

"Okay, how about we just drive around Beverly Hills and along Melrose Avenue and see where it will lead us?" Tanya nodded in agreement. A smile broke out, seeming relieved that I made the call.

We drove for over an hour; looking, enjoying and soaking in the sights. This was my third time in the city and I was vaguely familiar with the famous landmarks. "Hey, do you want to see the Walk of Fame?" I suddenly asked when we turned onto Hollywood Boulevard.

Tanya thought for a moment before answering. She was looking at the throngs of people walking and milling about. I could already guess what she was thinking.

"No, maybe next time." She answered decisively. I knew she based her answer on the big crowd and she knew that I would have a tough time navigating through the maze of pedestrians in the immediate area.

I didn't push the issue and continued driving with that thought in my mind. She was passionate and thoughtful, a borderline saint. How could I not want her with me for the long haul? A thought started creeping in my mind and I pushed it violently back into the hidden recesses of my brain. No, she was long forgotten and buried away inside a chest full of frustrations, disappointment and…longing?

"Hungry?"

"Famished actually." Tanya smiled shyly seeming as if she just admitted to committing murder.

"Good, so am I. I know this famous restaurant that specializes in food cooked in garlic. That is if you don't mind stinking for the rest of the night." I grinned at her.

"Not at all, you and I will stink together. Sounds like a great place to me." She giggled.

"Off to the _Stinking Rose_ we go." I took the next turn which was La Cienega. After a few minutes, we arrived at the restaurant and waited to be seated. The place was bustling and we waited for over 25 minutes before we were seated in a corner booth where my chair wouldn't be a hazard to anyone. I ordered a Martini for myself when Tanya offered to be the designated driver.

I placed our order knowing Tanya would go along with anything that I wanted. I wasn't really sure I liked that part but it was not going to argue with her about it tonight. I ordered ala carte so we could sample several dishes at the same time. We were feasting on the Bagna Calda when I looked over my shoulder and I froze in place.

"Edward, what is it? Are you okay?" Tanya asked as she started rubbing my back. "You look like you just saw a ghost Hun."

"Oh it's nothing, I think I forgot to read a topic that Jonesie wanted me to discuss at the convention." I fibbed, and took another look over my shoulder to see if my eyes were just playing tricks on me. The woman I thought I recognized, even after all this time, wasn't there anymore. I took another glance of the whole place, as far as my eyes could reach, but the woman was nowhere in sight.

What are the chances that she would be here in LA? I asked myself. _Big, fat chance_…my inner voice answered for me.

I was pretty much reduced to a grunt and nodding type of company after that sighting. I felt bad for Tanya who tried to pick up my slack but I couldn't shake the gloom, the resentment and….anger that I thought was not possible anymore, after all these years.

We drove back to the hotel in utter silence. Tanya didn't ask me for the 5th time if I was okay. I swore I would scream if she asked me one more time. She seemed to know this and just held my hand while she drove the car one-handed back to our hotel.

After Tanya and I soaked in the tub for almost an hour, I was able to rationalize to myself that I shouldn't be acting in an immature way anymore. I had gotten over _her_ and I wouldn't let anything destroy my resolve. For all I knew, it may not even be _her_that I saw.

It was the happy ending that I was looking forward to and desperately needed as soon as we showered and dried ourselves off. Tanya was waiting for me on the bed by the time I was done changing into my pajama bottom. She brushed her hair away from her face and her beautiful body was seductively posing for me.

"Oh Christ," I groaned and smacked my head, after wrestling with the pants for several minutes; I'd have to wriggle out of them again.

"Come to Momma, Big Boy." Tanya beckoned me with her index finger playfully. I scooted to the edge of my chair and positioned my legs so I could move from my wheelchair to the bed.

"I'm coming, I'm coming…just a little slow here." I grunted as I pivoted my rear onto the bed.

Tanya did not even allow me situate myself on the bed before she attacked me. She quickly took care of getting rid of my pajama bottom and threw them across the room, with a wicked smile on her face.

After almost an hour, we lay on the bed sweating, panting and exhausted. Big Willy was a happy camper again. I have a feeling that I may have fallen asleep with a stupid grin on my face.

The convention was scheduled from nine o'clock in the morning to five o'clock in the afternoon. We decided that Tanya would drop me off and pick me up around the time the assembly was scheduled to be over.

In my crisp dark gray suit, I delivered my presentation to a group of maybe 300 people, mostly, in the line of rehabilitative medicine. A mix of Doctors and therapists were on hand to listen and tackle various topics related to improved health and functional performance. I breezed through my 20 minute presentation with a Question and Answer period following for another 10 minutes.

This was the general pattern for all scheduled speakers. It was amazing really how many people were using wheelchairs and other walking aids throughout the presentations. Many people, after undergoing a life altering experience, would find themselves immersed in any activities that would benefit other people with the same situations.

We had an hour break for lunch and I met up with Jeffrey who attended with a few of his colleagues. We found a little restaurant next to the convention center where we talked shop; mostly about new and intriguing cases that we have encountered lately. We broke our little party just in time for the afternoon program.

The rest of the afternoon passed quicker than I wanted it to. There were some interesting topics that came up and I would have loved to find out more about them. I wheeled myself to one of the booth's and took some pamphlets and reading materials that I would take back to Seattle with me.

I propelled my wheelchair toward the entrance where Tanya had dropped me off earlier. I was on time, but she wasn't around yet. Blame it on LA traffic. I knew that Tanya would have been here earlier if she had a choice in the matter. I wheeled next to the Valet stall and started reading the pamphlet that I had just obtained.

Out of the corner of my eye, a familiar figure emerged from the glass doors. I sat there dumbfounded, my mouth gaped open and the paper suspended in between my fingers mid-air. It was too late by time I gathered my wits. She saw me and she stopped dead in her tracks. A look of despair flashed across her face before it was replaced by a mask of arrogance.

"Edward…." Bella started to say but stopped abruptly when Tanya called out my name. She had parked in front, got out and came around the car to get me.

"I'm so sorry for being late Hun, the traffic here is horrendous. I got stuck on the 110 freeway for over 30 minutes." Tanya babbled on and on as she bent down to kiss me.

"It's okay Tanya…" I answered absentmindedly, my gaze still directed at Bella. She didn't move but stayed glued to the spot, her face contorted into an expression I couldn't figure out the meaning.

"Shall we go?" Tanya asked. I finally looked up to her and nodded. I wheeled myself to the driver side and swung myself in while I took my chair and shoved it in the back as fast as I could.

I _stepped_ on the gas control as hard as I could and the car responded with the screeching of its tires to take us away from the damn place, away from the last person I ever expected and wanted to see.

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**A/N:** Bella...finally huh? Well, more good stuff are coming your way. Thanks for reading. Now get to commenting. Make me smile! Pleaseeeeeeeeee!


	5. Chapter 5 Incomprehensible

Before I start with my usual ranting, I want you guys to know that I read and enjoyed every single comments/reviews and I plan to get to them as soon as I can. I am not ignoring them in any way, my schedule is just messed up these days. Work, I wish I can do without. LOL... So yeah, don't think for one minute that I do not value your input because I do.

Now, let's thanky thanky several people. I'll start with EE, girl you know you rock! Wendy, you are amazed me! SK, hehehe what more can I say about _Includer and Intellection?_ Jelly, teepeee girl and Keye, you are the bomb! Thanks Noots!

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**Chapter 5: Incomprehensible**

**BPOV:**

That day I left Edward was the toughest decision I've had to make by far in my lifetime to date. I left because I got scared. I wasn't ready for the commitment level my feelings for Edward would require. I didn't want to burden anyone with my dreams and what I would to do reach them. Edward was angry, difficult, depressed and terribly attractive. I knew from the very start that I was doomed to fall for him.

I thought I could resist him by hiding my true feelings. I acted like a no-nonsense, hard-nosed and over bearing character that pushed him to feel that he had a lot to live for. He fought with me constantly and our daily verbal sparring was a novelty that fueled the fire within me. And then came the kiss, he knew how to kiss and truthfully, I've never been kissed that way before. My heart ached at the memory of that kiss that I have not allowed myself to think of until now. Seeing him again sent my senses reeling and memories I buried in the deepest crevices of my being once again surfaced, though he would never know that. He had moved on, without me, as he should have.

Falling in love was the last thing I expected to get myself into, and who would have thought that Forks was the place where I would meet the man that turned my life upside down. Running away was the best solution I came up with. I ran when Edward told me, well, indirectly how he felt about me. He was inebriated beyond reason and I believed him because I felt the same way. Our sparring and pushing each other was the best foreplay leading up to something we would never have. When I left that day, I left a part of me and my heart with him that no other man has come close to replacing.

Today, after seeing him, I didn't know anymore. I didn't see this coming. I've always thought that if fate or time ever allowed us to see each other again, Edward wouldn't look at me with derision and loathing in his eyes. I believed deep down that he would understand why I left. At the very least, I expected that we would make amends and move on.

He was now married and I was still alone. There was no way I could compete with the woman, the one who kissed him in LA. She was drop-dead gorgeous and I was still a Plain Jane. He didn't utter a word but kept looking at me in a strange way. Now, the certainty that he was never in love with me was clearer than ever. It was the alcohol talking back then. Maybe it was for the best that I ran away. We weren't meant to be and that was it.

I was back to square one because there was no one who could ever measure up to Edward. No one even came close to how I felt for him. For a long time now, I was devoid of romantic emotions. There were a few 'men' out there but they meant nothing to me. I couldn't bring myself to appear interested in any of them just for the purpose of getting laid.

Ha! It had been a while…no scratch that…it had been way toooooooooooo long. And I am not embarrassed to put a major emphasis on the 'long'. It felt like ages since I last had an orgasm. For Christ sake, a pillow in between my legs wouldn't amount to much. As prudish as it sounded, I didn't want to pleasure myself like Alice had suggested. I just couldn't do it; I told her to shut up as I screamed in frustration.

We are talking about a desperate but proud woman here.

In hindsight, this was the life I chose for myself and I was living it. I have no complaints as far as the route that my career had taken. Every single bead of sweat and all the tears had produced great results. Not only have I gotten my masters in physical therapy. I now worked independently consulting for hospital chains and working with mostly Directors of Rehab and doctors. I own my time and I answered only to myself. Was it worth it?

I stopped working directly with patients after what happened between me and Edward. I felt that I had lost control and acted unprofessionally. I missed the interactions with patients, the exhilaration of seeing the glimmer of hope in their eyes when they made even the slightest progress. Every progress however small, was a big leap for them and also for me.

Now I believed Forrest, Forrest Gump when he said and I quote, "Life is like a box of chocolates; you'll never know what you'll get 'til you open it." And I thought I had my life all figured out until I saw him. Now it seemed like I crumbled back down. All the hard work of masking my feelings went down the drain. I just have to toughen up some more. Grin and bear it. Hopefully, I could move on again.

I hope…

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**EPOV:**

"You saw who?" Emmett almost choked on his water when I told him who I saw during my trip to LA. I looked at him as his face turned red. He gasped and coughed uncontrollably. I was getting ready to slap him on the back but he held his hands up to stop me.

"Dude, are you okay?" I asked, still unsure if Emmett was okay. He sputtered and gagged before he nodded his answer. Another minute passed before he was able to speak, and yet his voice squeaked when he answered.

"Bella? What the hell did you do?" Emmett knew how I felt about Bella. Heck, he knew it even before I did.

"Nothing, I sat there looking like an idiot." I admitted. The short encounter with Bella left me in a state of shock and confusion. Bella seemed to have stirred some memories that I would rather kept hidden and out of sight.

"You didn't tell her that she's a dumb shit for running away like that?" Emmett was a true friend, I knew he was smitten with Bella but took a step back when he realized that Cupid's arrow had hit me hard, real hard.

"Emmett, I told you…I sat there like an idiot. I couldn't speak and she didn't attempt to say anything. She looked at me with contempt and….well…I don't know how to describe it."

Emmett looked at me for a long time without speaking. I knew that he was contemplating on what to say next. I hoped that Emmett would choose his words carefully. He didn't speak for a long time but when he finally did, his words shook me to the core.

"Ed, are you still in love with Bella?"

"No!" My answer was instinctive. I knew where it came from; it came from the rejection and frustration stemming from her sudden disappearance.

"Then if you aren't, who are you saving yourself for?" There we go again; it's the M word again. I swore, that word gave me the heebie jeebies whenever Emmett or even my parents would say it. My mother and father would always say, _Edward, why don't you find yourself a suitable young woman to marry?_ I was beginning to hate the word, really. Marriage. Pfffttt!

"Emmett, I don't have to be married to be happy you know." I answered curtly, hoping he would drop the subject.

"You always say that, but you told me that you wanted to have kids someday. How are you going to do that?" Emmett surprised me.

This was actually coming from a guy who changed girlfriends like he did his underwear? This was of course, before he met Rosalie. Time indeed had changed my best friend. Now, Emmett sounded like Fr. Damian preaching that we were sinning by merely having sex outside of marriage.

"Hey, don't go telling me what I had said in the past. I am good where I am right now man. I don't need a wife to feel that I've done something good."

"Does Tanya feel the same way?" He pressed on.

"She and I don't talk about marriage. I have never told her that I love her. We are in an open relationship, no strings attached. We both enjoy each other's company and that's all there is to it."

_End of discussion. Now zip it!_

Nope. Emmett wasn't done yet. "But she is not getting younger. I am sure that she just wouldn't tell you that for fear of scaring you away. But have you asked her how she feels on the subject?"

"No bro, and I don't intend on talking about anything remotely close to the topic of marriage. Now, can we drop it? You are sounding like my parents." I tried to keep my voice lighter though I wanted to cuss him out. He, after all, had my best interest in mind, or so he kept telling me.

"Sure, but think about what I said."

I threw him a dirty look and he instantly ran his fingers across his lips in a zipping fashion. Ass!

"Thank you." I muttered and directed my attention to the TV screen, hoping to erase the woman, her face and the memories she stirred out of my mind.

Silence engulfed us and I knew Emmett would blow a gasket if he stayed quiet any moment longer. Emmett was a big man trapped in a boy's body, a massive character that looked like he had too much sugar.

"Um….Ed? How about we go kayaking? It's too nice of a day to just waste it indoors." Emmett knew how to get my attention and how to channel my aggression. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"What are we waiting for? Let's get the hell outta here." I pivoted my wheelchair and headed straight to my room to get myself and my gear ready.

"That's my man," Emmett chuckled as he quickly followed me down the hallway then he turned left into his bedroom.

* * *

**Buzz….Buzz….**

I felt my cell phone vibrate in my chest pocket so I pulled it out quickly to see the incoming message.

_Hun, do you want me to come over tonight? T_

Tanya knew that I have my usual session with Emmett at the gym, AKA Rehab Solutions. I could go anywhere and work with other therapists but I felt more comfortable with Emmett. He knew my temperament and I trust him fully. Not that I didn't trust my other colleagues, but my level of comfort was something I didn't want to compromise.

_If you don't mind waiting for me…I can get our dinner on my way home. E_

_I'll take care of our dinner. Steak and Mashed potatoes sound good? What time do you want me there? T_

_That sounds great. 9PM. See you then. E_

_See ya and have fun at the gym. T_

As a paraplegic, I had to deal with several health issues and skin breakdown due to limited movement on the lower part of my body. Complications were always present. Pressure ulcers were one of the problems that usually plagued me after my accident. I needed to be pro-active; prevention and treatment was the first thing I was told to remember. I worked hard and was my own advocate so I made it a point that I see Emmett three to four times a week, much more if my schedule permitted it.

I parked my car at the very end of the parking lot and gathered my gear before I wheeled myself inside for my exercise session. I really didn't need Emmett to be present because I knew what to do as far as my workout regimen was concerned. But since I was a paying customer, Emmett could spend time with me and spot me while I worked on my push-ups, weight lifting and adaptive floor exercises. All of these I had to do to be off my butt, to relieve the pressure on my buttocks and coccyx area from prolonged sitting.

Basically, Emmett would be standing by to spot me, to see if I needed help with the weights or just to chit-chat. I suspected that it was really the latter reason. I needed to do these exercises to keep my upper body strong and fit. After all, those were the only two limbs that I could rely on and they have to be up to the task with what I constantly put them through.

"Hey Ed, ready to show off?" Emmett waved as he spotted me as I got ready to mount the bars to do my usual pull-ups. This was my favorite because I got to show off my biceps, triceps and shoulder muscles.

I chuckled and pulled myself up on the bars and did 50 repetitive workouts while Emmett sat on my wheelchair to watch me. I went through all my routine exercises which included some floor exercises that included stretching and bending.

This was followed by a 30 minute stint using my leg braces and a walker. This was something I wouldn't do in the presence of people I didn't know. As I strapped my leg braces into place, Emmett took the walker from the far end of the room and placed it in front of me.

I stood up with difficulty. Such a feat would take me several tries before I could successfully pull myself up. Emmett usually watched on the sideline, not even offering any help. I knew what to do and I didn't take kindly to any offers of help…I was still working on that aspect. I took my first step, willing my right leg to move forward and after a few seconds it finally responded by flopping forward clumsily. I took my time and worked on getting to the other side of the room which was roughly about 25 feet away and then back.

Although it wasn't my favorite part of the workout, I knew that it helped with my circulation immensely. After I sunk back to my chair to catch my breath, my last exercise would be in the pool which I really loved. I usually wore my swim trunks for my work-out to keep from unnecessary delays in changing. I wheeled myself to the pool while Emmett followed me.

Conversations were usually reserved for later, until I got to the pool where concentration was not necessary. My swimming skills were excellent giving me an excuse from using a life vest. With Emmett present, it really wasn't necessary.

"Any plans tonight?" Emmett asked as soon as I settled on the steps of the pool, languidly enjoying the coolness of the water against my hot and sweaty skin. I spread my dead legs in front of me and sat back to enjoy the water and the silence. Well, that was only happening if Emmett wouldn't talk, which was highly unlikely.

"Tanya's coming over with dinner and she might be staying over," I replied nonchalantly.

"Did you say dinner?" I could hear Emmett's excitement at the mention of food. He was usually included in Tanya's count when dinner was the topic of discussion.

"Yes dinner and you know that Tanya has a soft spot for you." I replied, leaning my back against the tiles and closing my eyes. It had been a rough day at the center and I welcomed the chance to unwind and take it easy.

"What's for dinner?" Emmett wouldn't shut up. He had no off button that I could deactivate and that in itself was frustrating.

"Steak and mashed potatoes," I said dismissingly, hoping he'll take the hint and once in his life, attempt to relax and stay quiet.

* * *

"Damn Tanya, that was delish," Emmett grinned as soon as he popped the last piece of his 10 oz. rib eye steak in his mouth.

"Thanks Emmett, glad you liked it." Tanya replied shyly. She was comfortable around Emmett but her shyness still prevailed making her blush which was actually endearing.

"It was great Tanya, thanks for taking care of dinner for us."

"You're welcome Hun, it's my pleasure." She smiled at me before clearing the table. "Do you need anything Edward?" She asked as she started to rinse the dishes. I couldn't kick Emmett from under the table so I resorted to slapping his arm to get his attention.

"No I'm fine Tanya. Let Emmett do the dishes. It's his turn tonight anyway." I glared at Emmett before he took my not-so-subtle hint seriously. He got up lazily and placed his hands on Tanya's shoulder to relieve her of the kitchen duties.

"Let me do that T. Just like Edward said, it's my turn tonight." He gave me the same glare I threw at him.

"Come on Tanya and let's watch TV in my room so we can leave Emmett alone." I said with a mocking smile on my face, pointed directly at Emmett. I heard him muttering under his breath as we took our leave from the kitchen. I chuckled all the way to my room as Tanya tried to suppress herself from giggling as well.

My cell phone started ringing as soon as we got to my room. I took one look at the caller ID and flicked the answer button right away.

"Hey Jeffrey, what's up man?"

Hey Edward, nothing much here. Um….remember when I told you a few months ago that I wanted to set you up with this gal that I know?

"Yes?" that was 10 months ago and I only said yes so Jeffrey would stop bugging me about it.

"Well, she's in town and I want you guys to meet." Jeffrey sounded really excited. I scratched my head and tried to think of a quick excuse but I couldn't come up with any, especially when Tanya was within earshot. "So, I arranged for you two to meet at the Nishino Sushi House at 7:00 o'clock tomorrow night. Her name's Isa and I told her that yours is Eddie." I raised my eyebrows at his nickname for me.

"Fine, but this will be the last time Jeffrey," I grunted before hanging up the phone.

"What was that about?" Tanya asked, already sprawled lazily on my bed.

"Oh, Jeffrey has this meeting with a colleague that he wants me to attend tomorrow night." I answered nonchalantly.

A slow smile spread across Tanya's face before she spoke. "Feel like cuddling tonight?" She asked and I eagerly removed my shirt before wheeling myself closer to the bed, feeling my own version of wicked excitement about cuddling.

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A/N: Denise, this chapter is your prize for calling out the meeting between E&B first in the last chapter. LOL. So get your guessing minds going. Let me know what you think of this chapter. Go on...please don't be shy. Don't lurk...I don't bite!

Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6 Unbelievable

It must be Tuesday! No wonder I'm here bright and early. At least it's early when I am. I won't give my usual talk about the people I want to thank. You know who you are and how much I appreciate you. Thanks...

Here now is the anticipated blind date between Isa and Eddie.

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**Chapter 6: Unbelievable**

**BPOV:**

I still couldn't believe that I let Jeffrey talk me into meeting one of his friends. He had been nagging me into going out on a blind date for months. It must be a full moon and I was turning into a crazed she- wolf, desperate enough to go out on a date with someone she didn't even know.

Who knew what this Eddie was all about? Was it enough that Jeffrey was vouching for him? For all I know, Eddie could be a stalker, a kleptomaniac or even gay. Oh my Lord, please don't let him be gay for it would be a new low even for me. I haven't gone out with the opposite sex at all. I didn't think that after work drinks qualified as a date. I really have no idea how dating worked nowadays.

If I wasn't going to be in town for a meeting with a potential client, a big client, Jeffrey wouldn't have gotten a chance to pitch his unbelievable sell to me. If this client did sign me up as their consultant, it would be the biggest catch of my entire career. How nice it would be to finally relax and not worry about landing another big account for a long, long time.

Really, what do I have to lose? I would just go for the heck of it. If things didn't turn out well, I could always feign a headache or have Alice call me at a set time or even call me so I could have a seemingly real excuse and run.

But then, there could be a positive side to this blind date too. What if Eddie was the Romeo to my Juliet? He could be my lucky future ex-husband. Damn, I was really sounding more desperate by the minute and it sounded pathetic. I bet a good luxurious bath would get my head out of the gutter.

Well, I guess I would find out soon enough.

I got home with just enough time to pack my stuff, get the paperwork and hand-outs ready for my meeting tomorrow placed neatly in my briefcase before I headed to the tub with a good book and a glass of wine.

The shrill sound of my ringing phone took me out of my momentary escape from reality. Where men are constantly horny as hell and needed sex in order to survive. What could be better than that? I was twenty pages away from the ending and I had no plan on answering the phone. I continued to read but the phone rang again and again.

There was only one person who would call me at 10:30 at night. Only one, and she had no idea that I wanted to finish the happily ever after of Eidolon and Tayla. The ringing persisted. I only had two options, pick up the call or turn my ringer off. Really, Alice needs a life.

"What?" I answered in an annoying tone.

"Bella really, do you honestly think that I will stop redialing if you don't answer?" Alice's piercingly annoying voice giggled on the other end of the line. "So tell me, what was that text mentioning that you want me to call you tomorrow night?" She asked suspiciously.

"Why can't you just do what I asked so nicely of you and not ask for the reason?" I had my thumb on the page where I stopped reading. I wished I could just hang up on her and not have to explain. I knew Alice would go ballistic if I told her that I finally relented and was going out with a complete stranger.

"Bella? It ain't going to happen, so spill it or I won't do it." Alice had the nerve to threaten me. I huffed in annoyance before I put the book down. Eidolon and Tayla would just have to wait.

"Um…fine. Jeffrey, a close friend from the Masters Program at USC, talked me into going on a blind date with his friend…..

"What? Are you nuts? Why would you go on a blind date? I don't think you are that desperate Bella. Jacob has been after you for a long time, why don't you give the guy a chance?" Alice screamed down the line and I had to move the phone away from my ear.

"Alice, will you calm down please? I have a meeting with a potential client in Seattle tomorrow and Jeffrey found out so he set me up. I didn't want to do it but I wanted him to shut up about it once and for all." Alice was my pain-in-the butt best friend since college who sometimes thinks she was my mother too. As much as she constantly got on my nerves, Alice was my confidant and the head of my cheerleading section. She and I were like sisters.

"Bella, after you come back from your trip from Seattle, you have to talk to Jacob. The guy has been pursuing you for months now, why can't you give him a chance?"

"I don't know Alice, I'm scared…." I hadn't really allowed myself to be close to anyone. I poured my energy in my studies and my career and it seemed like everything moved forward but me. All our friends from college were either married or have children already. I have nothing to show for the years gone by except a flourishing business. At least Alice was in a stable relationship so she had nothing to worry about. I sometimes thought to myself that I was destined to be alone, forever. It's as if I had my one chance at true love and blew it.

"Bella, you have to take baby steps. You can't live in the past…you told me that he has moved on and so should you. Can you promise me that you will give Jacob a chance?"

I let out a long sigh before I conceded. "Fine….I will give him a call once I get back from Seattle."

"Great. You know it's not healthy at all when you turn to books to give you a sexual fix. You are wasting your life away. I told you about some of the toys….."

"No Alice, just no….." I didn't even let her finish her sentence." I'm not even going there with you."

Alice giggled and I knew that she would try again next time. "So, you want me to call you tomorrow? What for?"

"Well, if this Eddie turns out to be a creep or an old fogey, I can pretend that I have an emergency and run. Just call me will you?" I didn't want to ask Alice but I didn't know anyone who was crazy enough to do it.

"Okay, what time should I call? And what exactly do you want me to say?" If I didn't know her any better, I wouldn't think that she was serious with her question. That girl would be churning some awfully embarrassing ideas inside her head already.

"We are meeting at seven o'clock so maybe an hour later. That should give me enough time to know if I would stay or run so just follow my lead." _Yeah right! We are talking about Alice here._

"Okay then. Have a safe flight and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you Bells."

"Love you too girl and thanks," I said before we hung up.

I thought about what Alice said about Jacob. True, he was a decent guy, good looking if you like the husky and brawny type, and stable. He was a tad bit boring conversationally but we got along well enough in that department. I didn't like to talk much unless it was about work. I had nothing much to say anyway. Nothing exciting had happened in my life lately.

I tossed and turned that night for a long time before sleep finally took over. I had an early morning flight and I needed to be ready for my one o'clock meeting with Mr. Philips. I worked hard to get this meeting arranged and I'd be damned if I wouldn't be ready for it. I spent the entire week making sure I had all the bases covered, that I could answer any challenging questions he would throw my way.

Think positive but work hard to earn it. That was my business mantra….I repeated the words over and over which lulled me finally into sleep.

* * *

"Edward?" Tanya's alluring voice in my ear tickled me awake.

"Hmmmm?"

"It's almost seven in the morning and you don't want to be late for work." Tanya wrapped her body around mine and I inhaled the sweet scent of her hair. We had a long night and I couldn't begin to think how tired I was when I finally gave Big Willy his needed break.

I always sleep on my stomach. It helps with relieving the pressure in my back, but more importantly, my ass from the stress of sitting all day. I dreaded getting a pressure ulcer. I could still remember how bad the last one was. This was around the time before I went back to school. From then on, I have diligently positioned and repositioned myself every two hours to prevent any skin breakdown.

Now, Willy had sprung up again and all because of Tanya's unbelievably soft body rubbing against mine. My hand went down to pat Willy, my way of making sure if he was ready or he was still lounging idly. He was indeed at full attention, not too hard but good enough to make me feel like a man.

I lifted my legs to one side to allow enough space to turn myself. Tanya waited until I was on my back before she sat on my thighs. She bent forward until our faces were touching before she started kissing my forehead, cheeks, tip of my nose and chin. It was a slow and deliberate teasing; she kept rubbing her body on mine. I could feel her titties massaging my chest while her nipples were creating a little friction on my skin, every little rub sent Willy to his happy place again, eager and excited to give and to receive.

I loved the feel of her velvety hands when they touched my skin. My hand made its way down to her back before it ended on her fine tight ass. I could feel Tanya's excitement radiating and I was getting excited just by looking at her.

"T? I don't want to break up our party but I can't be late for work. We are short staffed today and I am taking on an extra load to help out."

"Awww," Tanya pouted momentarily but didn't stop harassing my mouth as she playfully bit my lips. "Okay, I will call you later before I leave work." She playfully licked my lips before she heaved herself up and out of bed. She waited for me to get up before she wrapped her arms around me. "You know I'm going to miss you." She kissed my cheek before she proceeded to the bathroom to change, not even waiting to see if I would respond or not.

* * *

It was not even funny how busy we were the whole day. For some reason, we had an influx of new admissions and evaluating new patients took more time because we had to make a full assessment before we could start our treatment. Not to mention that we still had to do some charting. I had to skip lunch in order to get out of the center early enough to run home for a quick shower and change for my dreaded blind date tonight.

I wasn't planning on making an impression on this woman named Isa. I didn't even think she knew what kind of person she would be meeting. I doubt that Jonesy would disclose my disability just like that. I could imagine the look from this woman's face when we met, to find her date was in a wheelchair.

C'est la vie.

"Hi, my name's Eddie and I have a dinner reservation at 7:00. Yes that's right and I'm running late, there's an accident on the freeway and I won't make it there on time. Can you do me a favor please? I am meeting a woman named Isa, would you be kind enough to tell her that I will be there in half an hour. Yes, thank you." I pushed the end call button on my steering wheel and tried to snake around traffic to get to the restaurant as quickly as I could manage.

Luckily, there was a vacant spot closer to the entrance of the restaurant. I glanced at the digital clock on my dashboard, 7:28, man, just barely made it there at the time I said I would arrive. I wouldn't be surprised if this Isa left already. I took my wheelchair out from behind me and unfolded it in a hurry. I transferred myself onto my wheelchair as fast as I possibly could.

The place was packed and understandably so, they had the best sushi in town. I maneuvered my wheelchair though the door and up towards the seating hostess to get her attention.

"Hi, I have a seven o'clock reservation…" the woman looked at her watch and back at me. "Yes I am late and I called earlier to give a message to the person I am meeting here…."

"Oh yeah, I delivered the message for you. Right this way please," The girl smiled as she grabbed a menu for me and led me through the maze of tables and chairs to a corner booth. "Here you are Sir. Your server will be right with you."

"Thank you," I smiled at the hostess before I turned my wheelchair to greet my _blind date._

"Hi I'm so…" _WTF is she doing here? What is Bella doing here on my table?_

"Edward?" Bella whispered my name and the look on her face reflected the same surprise I had in mine. We stared at each other for a few seconds before the initial shock wore off. Bella was able to compose herself faster than I did.

"What in the hell are you doing here Bella?" I asked, unsure if I should flee the restaurant now.

"I could ask you the same thing Edward," Her tone was nowhere near the soft voice that whispered my name a while ago. Bella looked at me hard. There was no friendly hint of niceness on her face.

"Jeffrey told me to meet Isa here," I blurted out before it dawned on me that Isa was short for Isabella. _Holy fuckin' shit._

"Jeffrey told me to meet his buddy here named Eddie." Bella smirked as she said my name. "So you go by Eddie now huh?" Her tone was mocking and I found myself grinding my teeth to keep from saying something that I might regret.

"Well, it seems to me that we have two choices here, eat and try to be civil or call it a night. No harm, no foul." The way she said it was pretty indicative of how she felt about me. Like I was nobody and someone she didn't care about. The thought pissed me off. I should make her life miserable now that I have the chance, just like she did when she left me.

"Part of the reason I came here was their sushi. I would stay if you promise to hold your tongue. You might even enjoy their delicious Amaebi." I looked at her, challenging her into staying.

"I can't promise you anything, _Eddie_. As long as you don't sulk, I think I can spare half an hour to try their food. I can eat silently if you can." Bella said my name sarcastically.

_What the hell! Four years did not soften her at all. She still was the same bitch that ordered me around and made my life a living hell._

"Fine, we shall eat in silence." I replied before I applied the locks on my wheels and transferred myself onto the booth seat across from Bella. She was watching me the whole time. I folded the chair next to me and shot Bella a challenging look I practically dared her to say something.

Bella didn't say a word, instead she started looking at the menu and so did I.

Her phone rang after a few minutes. She pulled out her Blackberry from her purse and checked the caller id before she answered the call.

"Hi." She said softly and I found myself listening in while I pretended to be interested in the menu.

"Nice to hear from you…well, I am having dinner right now…Um sure. Why don't I call you later? Maybe in half an hour. I look forward to seeing you too.

Hmmm…maybe it was a boyfriend, or perhaps a lover? Bella didn't look like she was married. Why would she go out on a blind date if she was?

By the time she ended her call, our server finally came to our table.

"Hi folks! My name is Martin and I will be your server tonight. Can I get your drink order first and I will be back to give you our specials for the night?" Our boisterous server smiled and waited for us to speak.

"Ladies first," I said pointedly.

"Um… I'll have a glass of your Murray Viognier please." Bella smiled at the waiter and turned to look at me while I decide on what to order.

"I'll have a dirty martini please," I gave my order and as soon as the waiter left, I looked straight at Bella who was intently watching me, her expression unreadable.

"Well, are you going to spend the entire night sizing me up?" I dared Bella.

"Well, I don't have to, as far as I can see, nothing much changed." Bella lifted her chin up and dared me to lash out like I used to.

I sighed and felt my nostrils as they flare in the process. _This damn woman hasn't changed, still the same annoying personality._

"If you hold your tongue as I suggested earlier, you might see that I am actually a good company and maybe by the end of the night, you will even look forward to knowing more about me." I smirked at her, watching her squirm uncomfortably in her seat.

"Don't hold your breath _Eddie_, and there isn't anything about you that I don't already know." Bella retorted. Wow, she had a mouth on her that did not match her beautiful face. I shook my head and just stared at her.

"Here we go folks, Viognier for the lady and Martini for you sir." The energetic waiter recited their specials for the night and after we ordered, we turned to our drinks and drank in silence. I didn't know if I was more upset or nervous. I couldn't tell anymore. I tried to act as cool as I could muster. I didn't want Bella to think that I've been pining for her all these years. I'd be damned if I would let her get the best of me again.

Bella was swirling her wine glass while she watched the liquid dance around. She would take small sips of her wine and would savor the taste in her mouth before she would actually swallow. I was quite impressed. It only meant that she had been used to these types of things.

She looked a lot different now. The ponytail was gone and replaced by a luxurious mane that cascaded along the side of her face reaching down to the back of her shoulders. Her hair framed her delicate face and her lips were as enthralling as the day I kissed them. For God sakes, why am I focusing on someone I couldn't have, someone who didn't want to have anything to do with me. Instead of scrubs, she now wore high powered suits which I must say looked great on her.

She wore little make-up, just enough to enhance her features. She cleaned up very well, a far cry from the girl that I knew once before.

"Are you going to say anything or just keep ogling me?" Bella said smugly. How she knew that I was looking at her was beyond me. I thought she wouldn't notice that I had been stealing glances her way.

"Hmmm… aren't you a bit conceited my dear Isa? Time, I can see, didn't change you for the better." I couldn't help myself. Insults seemed to come naturally to me when Bella was around. She seemed to bring out the worst in me.

"Not at all, I have my fair share of negative things I could say about you but….I won't say it. It's not worth it at all."

Our orders came just in time. It gave us an excuse not to talk. We ate in silence and minutes ticked by before I pushed my plate aside. I ordered another Martini which seemed to have made Bella uncomfortable.

"Should you be drinking and driving?" She blurted out.

"Should you be minding your own business?" I asked. She was about to answer when my phone rang. I pulled out my cell phone from my pocket and pushed the talk button.

"Hey Tanya, what's up?" I stole a glance in Bella's direction and saw that she was rubbing her hands together on her lap.

"Yes sure, I'll come to your place directly after dinner. See you in a bit."

"I just don't understand how you can agree to a blind date when you have a wife waiting for you at home." Bella said in an accusing voice.

"What are you talking about?" That totally threw me off. What the hell was she talking about?

"That woman in LA, wasn't she your _wife_?" She asked.

"Wife? What gave you the impression that I am married Bella?" I snorted, for a smart woman she sure didn't use her brain.

"Well, she kissed you…" She stopped in mid-sentence and did not continue.

"Has anyone ever told you that assumption is the mother of all fuck ups?"

"Well, if she's not your wife, then she must be your girlfriend. I wonder how she would feel if she found out that you are out on a blind date." Bella obviously wasn't done ruining my evening.

"I won't give you the benefit of an answer _Isa._ As far as I am concerned, our dinner is over." I summoned our server and asked for our check.

As I straightened my sitting position, a sudden jolt of spasms rocked me. Spasms like this would come without warning. It was something I learned to live with. I just wished that I could pick and choose when and where it would happen. I writhed in pain as my left leg levitated and continued to shake. I tried to keep my reaction even because I didn't want Bella to witness my pain and discomfort. It was just frustrating to be in this situation with Bella around. It felt like Déjà vu.

"Edward, are you okay? Is there something I can do?" Bella asked, her tone sounded concerned and I almost believed her. She touched my arm lightly but I hastily pulled my arm away. Knowing Bella, this was all in a day's work for her. The compassion she felt was for her patients but not for people that she could love. I was not someone she would love. I was just a patient, another case for her to pity and leave when she was done. Well, not anymore.

It took a few more minutes before the spasm stopped. It was unfortunate that I couldn't control any of it. Of all the people to witness my shitty spasm attack, it had to be Bella.

I hated the fact that she showed up in my life again. I was over her and I didn't need my bad memories to be dug up and brought back up to the surface. My feelings had been buried with everything else that had any connection with her and it wasn't fair for us to meet again.

I paid for our meal despite Bella's protest to pay half of the bill. I transferred my ass back to my wheelchair and took one last look at her.

"Thanks for the lovely evening Isa-bella," I spat out, not giving her a chance to make a smart ass come- back. I propelled my wheelchair out of that goddamn place intent on getting the hell out of the restaurant as fast as I could and never look back.

BPOV:

What in the hell just happened here? I stared at the empty seat where Edward was sitting just a few minutes ago, unable to figure out why we couldn't seem to have a decent conversation without lashing out at each other? Was it my pride? Or his perhaps? I grabbed my purse after several minutes elapsed and stomped out of the restaurant intent on delivering damage to anyone who dared mess with me. I deliberately stayed back a few more minutes so I wouldn't bump into him in the parking lot.

This was a total shock meeting him tonight. What I thought and feared would be a boring night turned out to be more than what I bargained for. How in the world did Edward or Eddie end up at my table? Was it fate? Was fate playing a cruel joke on us? Did Jeffrey know anything about me and Edward? Not that I would ever mention what Edward and I had been through together.

I wanted to run to my car hoping Edward had already left. This was another unfortunate meeting for us. How we ended up on a blind date was totally unexplainable. I should've listened to Alice. Unforeseen or planned out, it hurts to know that he felt nothing but anger for me.

I could picture his face when he saw me; how his smile quickly disappeared when he saw my face…I didn't think I would ever see him again after the convention in LA. Was this someone's sick idea of meeting an old flame? Except… there was no romantic past between us. I was the one who fell in love while Edward was busy trying to mend his shattered body and ego.

He didn't love me, we knew that already and he had established that wretched fact back at the bar when he kissed me. He never told me he did. I led myself to believe a drunken man's ramblings.

I wanted so much to touch him today and show him that I really cared for him but his resentment was obvious, seeming like he would spontaneously combust at any moment. My mouth didn't help at all. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I talked the way I did. His presence brought out, the worst in me, every single time.

He did not say he was married, but he didn't deny it either. That left me guessing what his present status was. I have no idea why I wanted to know. It wasn't like we would rekindle an old flame. Anything that seemed to be thriving back then was rapidly extinguished even before it became a full blown fire.

The whole time we were at the restaurant, I wanted to tell him why I left but he didn't give me a chance to say anything. He and I insulted each other like total idiots, not to mention that we both acted childish.

Nothing changed; he was the same bitter and angry man that I met four years ago. And just as gorgeous as the day I first saw him. Edward had developed in all the right places, his arms were ripped underneath his Henley, traces of chest muscles was straining against his Henley. I couldn't help but steal quick glances at him. I watched his hands when he raked his fingers through his hair.

There was an air of superiority in his tone and a sophistication about him. He seemed confident and even showed a hint of cockiness at times. It may have been an indirect result of his disability. A defense mechanism that people developed to cope after a life altering situation. I had seen this often and was familiar with it. This didn't mean that he had no idea of how he was acting. After all, he was also a therapist who dealt with people in the similar situations.

I reached my hotel room in a daze, still smarting from the evening's surprise. It had been a long night and I had an early flight to catch in the morning. I needed to get out of this place, this city. And now!

My phone rang just as I was getting settled in bed. I left the lamp light on, always did. Travelling always kept me on edge sleeping alone in a strange city and room.

"Alice? It's midnight, can't this wait until tomorrow?

"No it can't. I have to hear what happened on your date." Alice replied stubbornly and I knew that the only way I could get to bed any earlier was if I gave Alice the skinny on my disastrous 'date.'

"Well… he was late, but he called and left a message for me." I started but Alice snorted loudly as if to prove a point. I could totally imagine her face smirking at the thought of me waiting for my date.

"Hmmmm….did he know that you don't particularly like waiting?" Alice's voice held a tinge of mockery but I let it go.

"Alice, if you don't shut up, I will hang up on you and you won't get another word about this date..ever." I threatened, settling myself in bed and wedging a pillow in between my legs.

"Fine….go ahead tell me, pleaseeeee!" She mumbled sarcastically.

"This Eddie turned out to be Edward," I began and Alice screamed on the phone, my eardrums just about had it.

"Edward? As in your Edward?"

"Yes _that_ Edward, but you have to know that he was never mine." I corrected her and tried to push the nagging thoughts of Edward away. This was a moot point. There wouldn't ever be a time for us to be together.

"But why? How did it happen? Tell me! Tell me!" I could imagine what Alice looked like at that particular moment. She was probably bouncing up and down in bed. "Did you set him straight? Did you? Did you?"

"No I couldn't, he didn't give any chance to say anything. Oh it's awful Alice. I know now for sure that he hates me. I felt like a leper who he couldn't even look at. I am so miserable." Tears tumbled out against my will. "I thought I was over him."

"Oh honey, please don't cry. It's not the end of the world. You learned to forget him once, now tell yourself to do the same all over again. I know you can do it Bella." Alice said in a comforting voice as I nodded on the phone, as if she could see me.

"Just tell me one thing, how did he look like?" The excitement in Alice's voice was annoying. Here I was feeling so down and she was asking me how Edward looked tonight?

"You are impossible Alice. You ought to be ashamed of yourself." I sniffed and blew my nose with a tissue I got from the nightstand.

"Puh-leez tell me, is he still as hot as he was before you left? Is he walking now? C'mon Bella, give me a morsel and I will shut up." Alice was a prime example of what constituted an annoying person, but I knew I had to give her something so she would leave me alone.

"He's still in a wheelchair and he looked very comfortable with his condition." I heaved a sigh before I continued…I could hear Alice giggling and the wench was a traitor. "He is still as inhumanly handsome like ever before. He now looks like a man, not the scared boy that I took care of."

"Oh my God Bella, did you wet your panties?"

"Alice!" I screamed at her. "What kind of a question is that?"

"An honest one." She replied smugly and I wanted to reach out and wring her neck, if only it were possible.

"No, no and no. I was busy feeling uncomfortable and bad and sad. There, happy now?" I felt more tears streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably.

"Bella, honey, don't cry. I was kidding, you know that don't you?" She repeated again when I didn't answer. "Don't you?"

"Yes Alice but you suck. How can you even ask me something like that when you know how I feel about him?"

"Sorry…please forgive me?" Alice sounded contrite but I let her suffer a little bit. I didn't answer for several minutes hoping she finally learned her lesson.

"Fine, but promise me that you won't ever ask me about him again."

"Promise, never again." She repeated after me.

Alice waited a good minute before she spoke again. "Bella? Aren't you going to call Jacob? Didn't you say you will?"

"You are impossible Alice." I declared with a great deal of annoyance lacing my voice.

"The way I see it Bella is that your problem has something to do with a man; I guess the only way to get over it is with the help of another man. Alice for a while there sounded like she knew what she was talking about except her logic was totally off the wall. Only Alice would say the darndest things.

"You said you would." She obviously wasn't done yet and I was about to scream, so I said yes.

_Shut up, shut up, shut up!_

"Fine, I will call Jacob as soon as I can and I will hang up now." I wanted to sleep and forget about the whole evening.

"Yippeeeee! Okay, love you Bella. I will call you tomorrow." Alice said happily before I pushed the end button.

I didn't know how long it took before sleep finally took over. I was thinking of my life, Edward and what could have been, or what should have been, before I drifted off to a restless sleep.

* * *

A/N: That did not go very well huh? Did anyone expect their reaction? Give me your thoughts about the chappy please. Leave me something to smile about. Welcome to all new readers, as I mentioned in the last chapter's A/N, I don't bite so don't be shy, let me know what you think. Thanks!


	7. Introduction of Sequel

Just so you know I posted Live, Laugh, Cry- a sequel to this story. I hope you will find it as entertaining as Irreversible. You will find the link to the story on my profile.

Summary: Now a married couple, Bella and Edward embark on a journey to explore the possibility of having children despite Edward's disability. Will their efforts be rewarded with laughter or tears?

Take the time to check it out! Thanks!


	8. Chapter 28

Hi Guys!

LFC Hotstuff here. I'm sure you're all aware of the mess going on here at FFN and there's a chance I won't be posting here anymore once they get to my stories. I had two notifications for my O/S already. I'm not going to wait until the last minute to let you know where to find me and my stories.

I'm a member of this site http (:) /freewritersandreaders (.) ning (.) com or at http (:) / freewritersandreaders (.) ning (.) com/ profile/LeluFontamillas and I actively have my own group there where all my stories are posted in one place. Secure a membership and tell them I sent you. As soon as your membership is accepted, find me here:  http (:) /freewritersandreaders (.) ning (.) com/group/lfc-hotstuff-s-stories You will get alerts once I post new stories and chapters. It's easy to navigate the site and the only place where you'll find my stories.

(Don't forget to remove the spaces and parentheses when copying into address bar!)

I will stop posting here soon. Thanks and hope to see you all there soon.

LFC Hotstuff

Author of Walk With Me, Midnight Blue, Irreversible, Live-Laugh-Cry, Running scared and several O/S.


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